It's a Boy!

Yes, it is true. On September 28th Elliott Arthur Chuckdaddy was brought into the world! Some observations and thoughts so far

1. Acing His Tests Already

Well, little Chuckdaddy is already off to a great start. Good weight (8 pounds 3 ounces), solid height (19 1/2 inches), passed his hearing tests, putting on enough weight... The only one he didn't so well on was his Jaundice test, where he scored low-intermediate. Ouch. But no worries, he's getting yellower by the day!

2. Breast Pumps Are Weird

Wife got to use the electric breast pump at the hospital. Tres creepy. The scene reminded me of something out of an x-rated science fiction movie.

3. Real Men Wear Slings

Yeah that's right. I've been rocking the Kangaroo pouch sling and it is the shiznits. I can walk around with him, do things around the house, pee... And he's just silently sleeps away. Oh what? You think I'm a wussy-ass hippy? Yeah, well try saying it to my face punk and I'll kick your ass (while wearing my baby)

4. All Work And No Play

Grandma is doing a great job of giving us perspective (among other things). For example, last night after eating he started freaking out and I was ready to rush him to the rocking chair for some high-powered rocking w/ my finger in his mouth. Grandma though brought up just playing w/ him? Play? What a concept. At times I worry that I'm thinking of him more like a machine- one that I am scared of breaking and one that makes funny sounds I need to fix. But I need to remember too just to sit back and, well, play with him.

But yeah, definitely a life-changing event, but a great one. It is already hard to imagine that just 1 week ago he did not exist...

Things That Are Great

1. Ricola Cough Drops

God these are good. They make me want to have a cough. I mean, every other cough drop I've had was, besides being useless, a tease. They'd all numb every part of my throat other than the back that was actually causing the cough. Oh Ricola, Luden's doesn't even compare.

2. The Fusion Razor

You know, I've always made fun of men's razors and their obsession w/ adding razors, but I got the new Fusion sent to me in the mail and it kicked serious ass. It has not 3, not 4, but 5 razors. I hadn't shaved in a month (which actually doesn't mean a whole lot) and it was like a hot knife through butter.

3. Friday Night Lights

Is anybody else watching this show? My wife and I love it. I'm considering adding it to the trinity of TV awesomeness (Sopranos, 6 Feet Under, and The Wire). Seriously well done, great acting, believable dialogue... Can't say enough about it.

Stereotypes of Lesbians

As long as they aren't mean-spirited, I'm actually kind of a fan of stereotypes. My wife works w/ refugees, and my favorite work updates are ones that concern some cultural generalization (The over dramatic Cubans, those dour Ukrainians, the Spicy Cheetos loving Somalians...). Of course, stereotypes can be used for racist purposes and an individual can always prove them wrong, but I find they are often, at least moderately, true.

I don't think this is the case w/ lesbians. Before knowing any lesbians, I assumed that most had short spiked hair, were good at sports, and tended towards being humorless hyper-feminists. Well, living Portland has given me a crazy large sample size of lesbians. And, many do have short spiked hair and, more than you would expect, are in softball leagues. But only 1 of the 12 I know fit the humorless type, and, actually, most seem to have great senses of humor.

I was thinking about this b/c in my Birth Class there was a lesbian couple and they were totally the class clowns. This gave me a theory. Being a minority and knowing you stand out, you have a choice. Everyone's going to be paying attention to you, so the best way of making everyone feel more comfortable, is to make them laugh. Ergo, lesbians actually become funnier than your average Joe. This would fit with the long tradition of other minorities being known for their homor (jews, blacks, gay men).

What do you guys think? Am I right? Should we be altering the lesbian stereotype? I think it's a solid hypothesis, although it does nothing to explain the propensity of Canadian comedians (Dan Aykroyd, John Candy, Rick Moranis, Jim Carey, Martin Short...) during my formative years.

Sad News: Jack Passes Away

A very very sad labor day weekend. Our mutt terrier, who was perfectly healthy Thursday morning, got some awful disease called AIHA (Autoimmune-Hemolytic-Anemia), in which his body started killing his own red blood cells. After 2 in-vain blood transfusions, we made the terribly gut-wrenching decision to put him to sleep Saturday night at 2am.

We met him on a beach outside of Puerto Vallerta. He was a mangy skinny street dog who neglected the meat we bought him so that he could follow us. Every morning we'd see him at a local convenience store and he'd come w/ us wherever we went. After a week of this, we were smitten and decided to bring him home. A vet's note and a traumatic flying experience later (we were kicked off 1 flight when his carrier didn't fit) and he had made it to Portland.

Maybe it was his story, or maybe just him, but although we only had him 2 1/2 years, he made quite an impression on us. We'll miss him a lot. I've really appreciated all the support we've gotten from friends and family. That's it for now, thank you for all of your positive thoughts.

Pet Peeves #13 - #16

Pet Peeves #1-#12

13. iTune Updates

I feel like every other week it wants me to update to another version. I'd be happy to just ignore their advice, since iTunes 5.4 seems pretty much the same as 7.3, but then it asks me every freakin' time 'till I give in. Just in time for 7.4...

14. Having To Go Inside To Pay For Gas

This is an Oregon thing and yes, it is stupid that people have no choice but to pump gas for us. But nothing annoys me more than when stations pump my gas, but make me go inside no matter what anyway. That's way more of a bother than just pumping it myself.

15. The Extra 4 Digits of a Zip Code

I mean, is this really necessary? My letters seem to get to places just fine w/ the standard 5 number zip codes. Is my mailman going to be confused by the multiple 212 Pine Streets in area code 97214? And, if they're going to add more numbers for specificity, do they need 10,000 more possibilities?

16. Hornets in My Classroom

OK, this is not actually a pet peeve, b/c this is the 1st time it's happened to me. But it's kind of weird. Yesterday, I'm setting up my room and I notice a bunch of hornets crawling around the window. I get closer + discover they're on the inside of it. Then I look up and see there's 20 more spread across the ceiling. Kind of disconcerting... Anyway, I get to have an exterminator visit my classroom today. How exciting!

How'd I Do on My Summer Goals

Ah, yes. It is that time when the bastard calender feels the need to turn a page and my life is forced onwards back to reality... Yes, school (planning/meetings next week) starts Monday, meaning my summer officially ends today. I thought I would check in on how I did on my summer goals.

1. Cooking Staples

I did alright finding some cooking staples. I started off well, with a big coup being my discovery of the website epicurious (not as exciting as it sounds). As long as I went to the popular section, I found fast and good recipes. Still, my cooking majorly lagged w/ grandma and uncle in town and then when my class started and things went into high gear for the approaching baby. At least I found the website though- that is going nowhere.

2. Car Registration

As you all know, I successfully reregistered my car. Who' the man? Now if I could just get my teacher's license redone before September 8th...

3. Take A Class

Successfully completed Modern Middle East History. Definitely liked it, but certainly a lot more work than when I take a teacher class.

4. An Awesome Lawn

Okay, so after all that talk about edging, I think I did it twice. Which is fine.

5. Putting Together the Basketball Hoop

Check.

6. Find Where the Moths Are Coming From

Well, the moths finally reached a tipping point where more than just 1 or 2 were flying out of the pantry. Wife and I throughout much and I cleaned + vacuumed the pantry. The moths are pretty much gone. One weird thing though, some were living even in closed jars. WTF?

7. Avoid Rush Hour

I did a very good job w/ this. No reason to mix in with all you working folks on the road. Until Monday that is...

Fatherhood Worries

So, no overthrow again this week. It's starting to feel like homework, and now that I actually have homework (Modern Middle Eastern History Rocks!!!), I find myself not being as into it. Anyway, I have much more important things to do, like making bookshelves (IKEA!) and getting ourselves moderately organized.

One funny thing that has been happening to me lately though, is I keep on having the same conversation w/ random middle-aged guys when they discover my wife is due soon.

Them: "Whoo, get ready b/c your life is going to change"

Me: "Yep."

And then it seems like I haven't sounded scared enough, so they keep going. "No, I mean be prepared. Your life will never be the same again. I mean, it's going to be great and all, but, man, your life will be totally different."

I've now had this conversation with 2 people I work with, the UPS man, and the friendly guy down the street who likes to tell me how much things cost. Interestingly, my wife hasn't had this type of dialogue once.

Now, of course I realize sering children is a big deal. But since I don't think it's possible for me to truly take in its life-changing implications, I might as well just wait. Here are a few things I am worried about though.

1. Wearing a Baby Bjorn

I'm not sure how else I'm going to carry around my child, but I just think guys look like such dorks w/ these things. Am I alone? I've considered avoiding it by going hippie and being the only guy in town wearing a sling. But then I'd probably put it on incorrectly and the baby would come toppling out. No, I think, unfortunately, I can only be trusted w/ the kid strapped to me via Baby Bjorn.

2. Ever having a complete conversation again

I always see new parents having trouble talking since they're always on alert for what baby's doing or responding to various issues. This makes sense, but I think parents get in this habit and let themselves be interrupted for like the rest of their lives. I just kind of hate that whole cult of the child everything 5-year old Jimmy says is fascinating. I'm all for sticking all the kids in their own room and both parties doing their own thing.

3. Watching bad movies repeatedly

I'm a bit of a movie snob, and there are very few cartoon movies I like. And I know, sooner than later, we'll be having to trade The Wire and Entourage for repeated viewings of Shrek VII. I know Hipster isn't having a problem w/ this (Since Shawshank is pretty much what you'd get if Disney made a jail movie), but I'm not looking forward to watching Dumbo 87 times. I guess that's what Uncle Petrovich is for (Hopefully, the kid will like Batman Begins).

Ways to Go Straight To Hell

For many of us, whether or not we will spend our afterlife in heaven or hell is probably a bit up in the air. I mean, people are biased towards themselves, so most probably think heaven's their final destination, but many people can also think of more than a few discretions that might make their afterlife a bit hotter. Below are 3 ways, with no grey area, that can make your eventual path clearly towards one of the fiery circles.

1. Parking in a Handicapped Space

There's something about this that just seems so utterly wrong. I mean, does anyone do this? Like do bank robbers park in them when robbing banks? Or does some mild moral reflex pull them over to the space with the yellow diagonal lines running through it? I bet even serial killers don't. Seriously, I bet Jefferey Dammer never once parked in a handicapped space his entire life.

2. Calling Your Recovering Alcoholic Friend When You Want To Get Wasted

I think many of us have done some form of this, just not gone all the way. I mean, you know there's always that person that will drink with you, and on most nights you wish they would avoid the bottle. But then there's those times you just feel like taking it up a level... And you know who'll be there for you. But hopefully, none of us has actually actively brought a friend back off the wagon.

3. Kicking Your Dog

The worse thing about kicking your dog would be, you know, they would still come back to you. That next day when you came home from work there would be Fido welcoming you at the door. And that is why you would be going to hell and they to heaven

Yahoo For Me

I just wanted to make the announcemet, that as of July 27th, 2007, Chuckdaddy has officially renewed his car's registration. All it took to motivate me was 2 parking tickets and being pulled over twice (both times I got warnings, suckers). But after a historic Friday DMV to DEQ to DMV trek, my plates that expired in November are now free and legal.

Bumper Stickers

I normally kind of hate bumper sticker. But I've seen 2 pretty funny ones recently.

1. Blame Canada

And my favorite

2. If ignnorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

How about you guys? Any favorite bumper stickers?

Update On Summer Goals

After one week, I'm sure everyone is dying to know how I'm doing on my goals. Well no reason to worry b/c it's update time.

1. Cooking Staples

Being home puts me in charge of cooking, and I've gone for more traditional choices this summer than last. Thus far I've cooked Breaded Tilapia (which I'd never heard of before) w/ Sweet n' Sour Collards and Lasagna. I probably couldn't have made more mistakes w/ the Collards, (Carmelized onions? No check. Cooked Rice? No check. Cooked to tenderness? Not sure.) but it didn't matter after I poured vinegar on it. Everything tastes better w/ vinegar. The lasagna was particularly easy and I think a good choice for me. I just get to follow directions and there's major room for sloppiness. There's no me having to determine if an ingredient is salted to taste. Just layer layer layer and cook for a 1/2 hour. I see much lasagna in our future.

2. Car Registration

Yuck! The bane of my existence. I actually did take a first step here and called the DMV. But they were totally unsupportive. Instead of nurturing and helping me along w/ an area I so obviously struggle with (anything to do w/ paperwork) her response was to say, with mean surprise, "Your registration ran out in November?" And then, even worse, she informed me that b/c of this I would have to get some temporary thing filled out b4 even going to the DEQ. To me this is like charging people who's house down payments aren't enough an extra fee. We're having enough trouble here, make it easier not harder. I was so traumatized, I decided to put it off until next week...

5. Putting Together a Basketball Hoop

I actually gave this a second effort and was doing OK (step 6 out of 34) until I realized I really did need a second person (This hit me as I was trying to balance a ten foot pool while sticking a rod through its base). So today is a big day for this. Wife's mom is in town and willing to help (sucker). We tried to work on it yesterday, but were thwarted by rain. Will today bring home success?

6. Finding the Moth's Lair

I've killed more, but their lair is yet to be unearthed. I may have to take my sister's advice and just throw out any and all possibilities.

***New Goal****

8. Blogging Less and Accomplishing More Goals

Blog Rating

Following in the footsteps of Jenny! and Michael5000, I decided to see what my blog was rated. And I have to admit, as I waited for it to compute, I actually felt a little worried that I'd get some pussy ass little bitch rating like "G" or the wanna be gangsta but afraid to say "fuck" "PG-13". Fortunately, I made it up to the sexually explicit, but not hardcore, "NC-17". Below, is a list of why:

poop (6x)
shit (5x)
crack (4x)
prick (3x)
sex (2x)
pissed (1x)

I am embarrassed to say, after looking over that list, that those seem a little "PG-13". "Pissed"? "Prick"? And, forgetting the rating system for a second, why did I mention "poop" 6 times? I seem to have the potty mouth of a 9-year old.

But hey, I'm not the expert. I will put my full trust into the rating system and even try to write by it. So I'll continue to swear while discussing sex, drugs, and poop, but I promise it'll always be a for a higher artistic purpose.

Summertime

Ahhh.... Summer vacation is officially upon us. Or I guess I should say upon me (and Petrovich and The Gancer...). But alas, what to do with my plethora of free time? Here are a few summer goals.



1. Cooking Staples
I've decided not to continue cooking A-Z (last summer I wanted to cook a meal from every country in alphabetical order). Although I enjoyed blogging about it, I really didn't get very far (I didn't even make it to the "B's"). Also, I have this habit of going a bit overboard when it comes to cooking (like A-Z or Southern Food or...) and never really learning how to make a normal meal. And then when I don't have a ton of time, the only thing I can seem to remember is Mac + Cheese or spaghetti. So this summer I just want to get 5 staples down and spend my hard-earned leisure time on other things like...



2. Registration

As I've mentioned before, I really need to get my car reregistered. Hopefully, I can get around to that within in the next 2 months.



3. A Class

For the second half of the summer I'm going to take a Middle Eastern 1800 to present class. Which might have little to do with what I actually teach (US History 1493 - 1900), but at least after it, I might finally know the difference between Shi'ites and Sunnis.



4. An Awesome Lawn

Alright, feel free to poke fun Miguelito, but when you soon have a house you'll see the importance of edging. I mean, I don't plan to be a freak about it, but unless you want a freakin' carpet growing out over the sidewalk (which is what I often have), you have to edge a little. And it is a much harder skill than I anticipated. After an epiphany 2 months ago (where I realized the key was using both the whacker and the edger), my last time resulted in mass sparks and creating various incongruent edges. But I am up to the challenge!!!



5. A Basketball Hoop

Wife got me a street basketball hoop like two birthdays ago, and this truly was a great a present. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to put it together yet. I don't think the fault is solely mine. I might be pretty retarded when it comes to most household work, but I'm actually not bad when it comes to putting something together w/ directions. But the wife got me a crazy complicated one with a slam dunk rim. Last summer I spent one sad summer day with all 47 different pieces staring up at me from the driveway, awaiting my accomplishment of step 1. It didn't happen. I'm considering buying a cheaper easier one, putting it together, and making the other one disappear. Wife never needs to know...

6. Find Where the Moths Are Coming From
Readers of this blog might remember the disgusting episode in December when wife and I discovered all the pictures on our fridge had maggots behind them. Well, after some scrubbing and tossing, there are no mo maggots. But now there are moths (I feel there is a connection). And just about every time I open the cupboard at least one flies out. Always a bad sign. So one day this summer I'm going to scour the flour and all the other possible hang outs. It's going to be one of those missions in which success is not all that much fun (Yahoo! I found the moth breeding ground! How utterly nasty!!!)

7. Avoid Rush Hour
I've gotta tell you guys. Nothing bums out my summer vibe more than when I forget what time it is, and I find myself doing an errand when all you working folk are coming home. It's like I've been attacked by all the stress I'm trying to avoid.

Portland Meiers Briggs' Type

So, since I am a little obsessed w/ Meiers Briggs personality typing (I'm an ENTP if you were wondering), I've always liked the idea of trying to come up w/ one specific to a city. Below is my one for Portland. I've come up with 4 categories, and for each you determine whether you are low, medium, or high in it. My hope is that this could be used to classify all Portlanders.

Outdoorsiness

High: You Heart Kayaking

Medium: You camp about once a year and like to go on the occasional hike

Low: You don't understand why anyone would like to sleep on a rock

Hipsterness

High: You take your thrift store shopping, your music taste, and your cynicism very seriously
Medium: You do see the value of dive bars and Pabst
Low: You wear J Crew

Alcoholicism

High: You get drunk twice a week
Medium: You like to drink
Low: You might have a beer with a dinner, or a couple at a social occasion, but then you (inexplicably) just stop.

Intelectuality

High: You make references to New Yorker articles during dinner conversations
Medium: You like artsy movies and know what's going on in politics
Low: Your favorite TV channel is the WB

So what do people think? Any changes? What about the 4 categories for a different city?

Things I'm Still Bitter About

I think one of the reasons I am most happy about confronting the car who bumped me two months ago, is that if I hadn't I would probably still be bitter about it. You see, I am a pretty mellow guy, but if something gets in my craw... Sometimes I just can't let it go. Below are 3 situations that still make me angry

1. Dutch Magazine Guy


So I'm in Amsterdam, where anything goes, right? Wrong. I'm minding my own business in a bookstore reading a magazine and I've turned the page over. Nothing crazy. Just one page behind the other, and this Dutch prick store employee says (of course in perfect English), "If you're not going to buy anything, would you mind at least not creasing the pages."





What gets me even madder, is that now whenever I'm in a store reading magazines I think about this, consider that he might've been right, and am more careful. So being a prick worked! The only mild positive, is that I have at least fashioned the perfect I-should-have-done. In this scenario, I stroll up to the Dutch Prick Cashier, rip the magazine in half, then lay down the money for it saying, "Thanks for being an asshole."





2. Bridge ticket


Not as big of a deal, but still annoying. I blogged about this before, but the key thing is that the cop said the speed limit was 30 when it was actually 35. I was still speeding (43), but not by much. The thing that bothers me about it is I decided not to challenge it, since I was speeding anyways and would've had to take a sub day. But in the end, why the fuck didn't I? No self-respecting cop would've shown up for that proceeding. Also, my insurance took a hit.





3. Being Shushed


This still gets me angry. I was at a cafe that had different musicians performing (actually with Michael5000) and was in the front talking to the people I was with. 1 guy turns to me and says, super friendly, "Hey man, are you here for Virgil Shaw?"


I think we're about to bond on this so I reply, happily, "Yah, I am."



His response? "Well I'm here for the guy playing now so I'd appreciate if you'd stop talking."



Repeating it makes him sound not so bad, but I swear it was. First of all, the whole bait and switch friend/foe thing, then the connotation that I was out of line to be talking when this was a cafe. And the worst part about it was I had no way to go about reacting. If I continued talking, then I was pretty much immaturely rebelling, and had no chance to really enjoy the conversation. But if I didn't talk, then he'd won! Even worse, the shusher thanked me on his way out, which is when I should've clocked him.



I don't know, perhaps I'm alone on these. But are there seemingly trivial confrontations in your life that you obsess over changing? Please share...

Chuck (is gonna be a) Daddy

So yes, for any readers that I don't actually know in the flesh, I guess it's time for my virtual announcement that my wife is 21 weeks. This was expected and we are very happy about it. Here are some early thoughts on pregnancy...

1. Dumb Classes
We still haven't started Lamaze or anything like that, but if it's anything like the pre-parent meeting we had, I'm keeping my expectations low. My favorite parts were the teacher explaining to the couple from somewhere Mediterranean that they couldn't eat soft cheese and when she warned the class that we shouldn't have sex after the water breaks.

2. Underwater Birth
I have always been a little bit obsessed with underwater births and have been trying to convince wife on this since day 1. I even tried to research it by going to a Water Birth Association Web Site. Unfortunately, instead of stats on shorter labors or lower pain, it was filled with weird hippy facts, like that people are 90% water anyway. Still, victory might still be mine. Wife started talking to some pregnant homies at her prenatal yoga class and might be coming around. Next goal, getting her to go for diaperless babies .

3. Advice

No one can give us too much advice while the the baby's in utero, but I have gotten one recurring message: "GO OUT TO EAT AND SEE AS MANY MOVIES AS POSSIBLE NOW." I find this kind of interesting. I mean, I love to go out and realize I'll miss this, but can I really bank this? Will seeing a glut of them now bind me over while I'm stuck inside for the first year? Wouldn't better advice be to get used to not going out and training myself to function w/o much sleep so the transition will be easier?

Anyway, October 2nd is the day. Still a lot of time to go...

Brushes With Fame

Just read that America's favorite intern will be returning to Stumptown. Yes, it is true. Monica Lewinsky will be moving into a Pearl District Condo and I think this is great news, since PDX is way too starved for any sort of celebrities. It also reminded me that, even though we never spoke, we had a class together at L + C, which definitely goes down as my #1 celebrity encounter. Here are my top 5:

1. Having a psychology class with Monica Lewinsky

2. Showing Scottie Pippen how to turn on a synthesizer's drum beats in a suburban mall

3. Playing basketball with G. Love

4. Having dinner with Isaac from Modest Mouse (in 4 words: a pretty dumb jackass)

5. Friends with a girl who grew up in Harry Houdini's hometown.

What about the Xpress riders? Can anyone challenge my quintefecta? Or, if not, just have a funny story or two?

The Fuzz Needs To Get Off My Ass!

So I'm driving down the street the other day and a copper puts on his lights. I think, he better not be starting any problems. Well, I roll down my window and he tells me, "This is your lucky day?"

And I say, "My lucky day? It's your lucky day I ain't put a cap in your ass just for bothering me."

Aight, maybe I didn't say that, but I thought it. Hard. And he keeps going on. "It's your lucky day. Because I just receieved another call, but I see that you don't have your registration updated. You need to get that done"

My lucky day? Like I was shaking in my boots b/c of a stupid little ticket? Naw, I repeat, it's his lucky day cuz I wasn't going to have my time wasted while he wrote me up stupid registration fine.

And what's up w/PDX and freaking their shit out over my registration? I went 3 years once w/o updating it. Now it's been 5 months and I've already gotten 2 tickets and now an ominous warning? They need to get life. Ain't there some real problems to deal with? I might just give them one if they don't watch their step. I'm just saying...

Modern Day Crack

Now, even though the crack epidemic of the 80's has waned, that doesn't mean that one does not need to be careful to avoid other all-consuming highly addicitive modern-day temptations. Here are three I personally have abstained from.

1. Blackberries

What I think is the worst aspect of a Blackberry, is that people can seem like they are still participating in regular life, but the worst addicts still find a way to check it every few minutes. Are they really even listening to you during the checking intervals? Additonally, the ability to check the internet at all times is a power greater than most mortals can handle.

2. 24

The word on the street is that this show is not nearly as good as it is addictive. The definition of crack! Knowing my propensity to get hooked on television series', I will keep myself away from Jack Bauer saving the world, 1 hour at a time.

3. Vitamins

Not only does their methods of classification annoy me (Why are some named after letters and others called riboflavin or thiamine? Why not Vitamin R or T?), but I really don't think vitamins work. Have you noticed that compulsive vitamin takers always look less healthy than your average Joe? Seriously, it's for the same reason that germophobes are sick so often- any possible positive sides are overcome by the damage done by thinking and stressing about them. But still, people take them day after day buying bottle after bottle. And once you start, it's a life-long habit. My riboflavin levels are perfectely fine already, thank you very much.

Temp Jobs

So I was going into Hollywood Video tonight to get my latest installment of Lost (I am a new addict) and I ran into this guy I worked on a temp job with a while ago. The meeting was fairly random, and after we said our goodbyes, 2 things stood out to me.

The first thing, is that I am so happy that now when I run into someone randomly, we can catch up and then just go our separate ways, without that whole fake let's-hang-out-some-time thing. I mean, we've never hung out before, why would we now 7 years after working w/ each other? We wouldn't, and I appreciate that as I get older I'm tending to do this more and more with the run-ins, "Hey, nice to see you, I'm sure we'll run into each other again. Later."



The other thing that stood out was what I remembered about this guy: he had worked the best temp job ever. The temp job we worked together was pretty good, probably my favorite. We sat at a big table, could shoot the shit, and measured shoes for Adidas (specifically, we found out what percentage was synthetic, textile, or leather). But for him, this was small potatoes. One day we were comparing temp jobs, and it came out that he had spent a day testing emergency slides from planes. That's right. His job was to jump out of a plane and ride down one of those inflatable slides.



So readers, can you best that? Or come even close? I'll start the list at 2, but feel free to try to crack the list of BEST TEMP JOBS EVER!!!!

1. Beer Taster

2. Inflatable Plane Slide Tester

3. Bra Salesman (tie)

3. Shoe Measurer (tie)

3. Bong Assmebler (tie)