This Week On Snax: Trader Joe's

As a connoisseur (thank you spell check) of nothing other than chips and other between meals edibles, thought I'd give you all my thoughts on some snacks from Trader Joe's.

1. Chocolate-Covered Peanut butter-Filled Pretzels: A+
These things freakin' rock. I'm not sure there's a better snack out there right now. The salt, the sweet, the love. Go out and buy them now

2. Chocolate Peanut butter Cups: A
Not really different from Reese's, but still quite good. And there's something fun about having a pile of them in a clear container

3. Brownie Bites: B
Brownies are either heaven, or just good, and unfortunately, Trader Joe's brownies w/ chocolate chips are worth eating, but a little disappointing when one considers the infinite potential of the brownie.

That's it for This Week On Snax. Next week we'll look into the Fred Meyer's Bakery section!

BLAZERS WIN DRAFT LOTTERY!!!

So I haven't blogged about basketball in a while (it finally dawned on me that writing blogs that no one read really was no different than just thinking it), but tonight's news was just too great. Because yes, for those Portlanders even moderately interested in the Blazers, we just won the #1 draft pick. What this means...

1. We get to pick between Kevin Durant + Greg Oden

Every expert and their second cousin have been saying this draft is all about the 2 top Freshman, 6'10" scoring freak Kevin Durant and the monster 7' footer Greg Oden. Scouts are describing this as a choice between Jordan + Hakeem, and the Blazers get to choose. Also, from what I've reading recently, an in-shape Oden w/ both wrists is looking like the definite #1, so Blazer fans should be very happy we have the first pick.

2. Against The Odds

So you might be thinking, big surprise, the Blazers suck, of course they get to draft first. But actually, although the Blazers weren't good this year, they weren't terrible and their chances of winning the lottery was right around 5%. Even better, they were already looking pretty promising, with an incredible draft last year (Rookie of the Year Brandon Roy, LaMarcus Aldridge, and Sergio). Adding (probably) Oden means we're talking about a seriously talented young team.

3. Karma Is A Bitch

Milwaukie, Memphis, and Boston all pulled players at the end of the season in the hopes of landing Durant or Oden. And all of them had a much better chance at winning the lottery. But while those teams were tanking, the young Blazers were battling it out down the stretch. Yes, cheaters never prosper (unless it's the Spurs when they sat Robinson and got to start a dynasty w/ Duncan).

And my condolences to Craigeoke, whose Atlanta hawks came in 3rd in the superstar lottery. But things could be much much worse, considering they could've have had no lottery picks. Instead they now have two chances to draft an athletic swing man.

Things I'm Still Bitter About

I think one of the reasons I am most happy about confronting the car who bumped me two months ago, is that if I hadn't I would probably still be bitter about it. You see, I am a pretty mellow guy, but if something gets in my craw... Sometimes I just can't let it go. Below are 3 situations that still make me angry

1. Dutch Magazine Guy


So I'm in Amsterdam, where anything goes, right? Wrong. I'm minding my own business in a bookstore reading a magazine and I've turned the page over. Nothing crazy. Just one page behind the other, and this Dutch prick store employee says (of course in perfect English), "If you're not going to buy anything, would you mind at least not creasing the pages."





What gets me even madder, is that now whenever I'm in a store reading magazines I think about this, consider that he might've been right, and am more careful. So being a prick worked! The only mild positive, is that I have at least fashioned the perfect I-should-have-done. In this scenario, I stroll up to the Dutch Prick Cashier, rip the magazine in half, then lay down the money for it saying, "Thanks for being an asshole."





2. Bridge ticket


Not as big of a deal, but still annoying. I blogged about this before, but the key thing is that the cop said the speed limit was 30 when it was actually 35. I was still speeding (43), but not by much. The thing that bothers me about it is I decided not to challenge it, since I was speeding anyways and would've had to take a sub day. But in the end, why the fuck didn't I? No self-respecting cop would've shown up for that proceeding. Also, my insurance took a hit.





3. Being Shushed


This still gets me angry. I was at a cafe that had different musicians performing (actually with Michael5000) and was in the front talking to the people I was with. 1 guy turns to me and says, super friendly, "Hey man, are you here for Virgil Shaw?"


I think we're about to bond on this so I reply, happily, "Yah, I am."



His response? "Well I'm here for the guy playing now so I'd appreciate if you'd stop talking."



Repeating it makes him sound not so bad, but I swear it was. First of all, the whole bait and switch friend/foe thing, then the connotation that I was out of line to be talking when this was a cafe. And the worst part about it was I had no way to go about reacting. If I continued talking, then I was pretty much immaturely rebelling, and had no chance to really enjoy the conversation. But if I didn't talk, then he'd won! Even worse, the shusher thanked me on his way out, which is when I should've clocked him.



I don't know, perhaps I'm alone on these. But are there seemingly trivial confrontations in your life that you obsess over changing? Please share...

Fashion Issue #5: Is Preppy Back?

Has anyone else noticed that preppy is back? I went clothes shopping this weekend and saw everything from Izod's to rugby shirts to (confusingly) rumpled button-downs w/ the sleeves rolled up. I've even seen some of my students rockin' the Polo! So my question is, why is preppy coming back? Here are a few possible theories.

1. 80's is the current retro-decade-du-jour. First we heard it in the music, now it's in the clothes.
2. Thanks to Bush II's tax cuts, the income gap is growing to as big as it's been since, well, the Reagan era. People are dressing to be part of the upper class again.

3. A backlash to the hip-hop thug looks, epitomized by Kanye West's sweater vests.

4. Any other ideas???

Chuck (is gonna be a) Daddy

So yes, for any readers that I don't actually know in the flesh, I guess it's time for my virtual announcement that my wife is 21 weeks. This was expected and we are very happy about it. Here are some early thoughts on pregnancy...

1. Dumb Classes
We still haven't started Lamaze or anything like that, but if it's anything like the pre-parent meeting we had, I'm keeping my expectations low. My favorite parts were the teacher explaining to the couple from somewhere Mediterranean that they couldn't eat soft cheese and when she warned the class that we shouldn't have sex after the water breaks.

2. Underwater Birth
I have always been a little bit obsessed with underwater births and have been trying to convince wife on this since day 1. I even tried to research it by going to a Water Birth Association Web Site. Unfortunately, instead of stats on shorter labors or lower pain, it was filled with weird hippy facts, like that people are 90% water anyway. Still, victory might still be mine. Wife started talking to some pregnant homies at her prenatal yoga class and might be coming around. Next goal, getting her to go for diaperless babies .

3. Advice

No one can give us too much advice while the the baby's in utero, but I have gotten one recurring message: "GO OUT TO EAT AND SEE AS MANY MOVIES AS POSSIBLE NOW." I find this kind of interesting. I mean, I love to go out and realize I'll miss this, but can I really bank this? Will seeing a glut of them now bind me over while I'm stuck inside for the first year? Wouldn't better advice be to get used to not going out and training myself to function w/o much sleep so the transition will be easier?

Anyway, October 2nd is the day. Still a lot of time to go...

Brushes With Fame

Just read that America's favorite intern will be returning to Stumptown. Yes, it is true. Monica Lewinsky will be moving into a Pearl District Condo and I think this is great news, since PDX is way too starved for any sort of celebrities. It also reminded me that, even though we never spoke, we had a class together at L + C, which definitely goes down as my #1 celebrity encounter. Here are my top 5:

1. Having a psychology class with Monica Lewinsky

2. Showing Scottie Pippen how to turn on a synthesizer's drum beats in a suburban mall

3. Playing basketball with G. Love

4. Having dinner with Isaac from Modest Mouse (in 4 words: a pretty dumb jackass)

5. Friends with a girl who grew up in Harry Houdini's hometown.

What about the Xpress riders? Can anyone challenge my quintefecta? Or, if not, just have a funny story or two?

Best TV Show Ever

For years, this really hasn't been a question in my mind. The Sopranos really had no competition. The show had an interesting premise, great characters, and addictively complicated story lines. Add to that mix snappy dialogue with cursing, sex, and violence and you had the most watchable TV show ever. The show was so good in fact, that, like Pulp Fiction with 90's movies, it redefined television. You can see the obvious influences in other HBO shows, but I would argue without The Sopranos you wouldn't have the amoral Desperate Housewives or the character-driven complex Lost.

But after a mediocre Season 6a and the slow start to Season 6b (although Hipster and others disagree w/ me), I think it might be time to drop The Sopranos down a notch. My nomination is The Wire. It might not hit the artistic homeruns like The Sopranos, but it's way more consistently good. I particularly like that The Wire seems to lack the aforementioned's ego, putting all its focus on being a good show and not on being cute or self-referential (Chris's gangster horror movie? Come on...)

But what do others think? Any Alf or Mr. Belvedere fans? Or was Benson and the Golden Girlz your cup of tea. Please oh please just don't say Seinfeld.

The Fuzz Needs To Get Off My Ass!

So I'm driving down the street the other day and a copper puts on his lights. I think, he better not be starting any problems. Well, I roll down my window and he tells me, "This is your lucky day?"

And I say, "My lucky day? It's your lucky day I ain't put a cap in your ass just for bothering me."

Aight, maybe I didn't say that, but I thought it. Hard. And he keeps going on. "It's your lucky day. Because I just receieved another call, but I see that you don't have your registration updated. You need to get that done"

My lucky day? Like I was shaking in my boots b/c of a stupid little ticket? Naw, I repeat, it's his lucky day cuz I wasn't going to have my time wasted while he wrote me up stupid registration fine.

And what's up w/PDX and freaking their shit out over my registration? I went 3 years once w/o updating it. Now it's been 5 months and I've already gotten 2 tickets and now an ominous warning? They need to get life. Ain't there some real problems to deal with? I might just give them one if they don't watch their step. I'm just saying...