Yahoo For Me

I just wanted to make the announcemet, that as of July 27th, 2007, Chuckdaddy has officially renewed his car's registration. All it took to motivate me was 2 parking tickets and being pulled over twice (both times I got warnings, suckers). But after a historic Friday DMV to DEQ to DMV trek, my plates that expired in November are now free and legal.

The Home Run Chase Sucks

I too am going to join the crowd of saying it really is bad to see Barry Bonds about to break Hank Aaron's record and I don't really see 2 sides to the issue. Here is my reaction to a few common defences:



Innocent Until Proven Guilty

This is normally a statement I endorse, but Selig's "Don't Ask Don't Tell" policy to steroids has made people dependent on speculation. And you don 't have to speculate very much when a guy grows 2 hat sizes during his 30s.



But Pitchers Could Use Them Too

Yes, but they obviously didn't do as much good. Maris's 37-year record was broken 6 times in 4 years. I don't remember any pitching records being broken during that time.



Barry Bonds Was on the Hall of Fame Path Anyway

Yes, and that's why taking steroids took him to a ridiculous level. Kind of like if Superman started roiding. And if he'd have maintained his pre-roid pace, he'd be at about 650 homeruns, not 750.



It's Just Statistics

Records matter in MLB, or at least they used to. Baseball is obsessed w/ numbers, particularly career ones. And although there is some ridiculousness to this (different-sized ball parks, expansion...) the only factor that has made numbers literally uncomparable was the steroid epidemic. And for the sole reason of steroids, numbers may never again hold the same importance.



On a funnier note, here is Chris Rock's take on why Babe Ruth's homeruns should be discounted as well.



Bob Costas: Is race irrelevant?

Chris Rock: Ty Cobb's numbers are bullshit and Babe Ruth's numbers are bullshit.
Bob Costas: Because of segregation –

Chris Rock: Because they didn't play against black players. It's like saying I won the New York City Marathon but no Kenyans ran that year. Babe Ruth has 714 Affirmative Action home runs.

Bumper Stickers

I normally kind of hate bumper sticker. But I've seen 2 pretty funny ones recently.

1. Blame Canada

And my favorite

2. If ignnorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

How about you guys? Any favorite bumper stickers?

Overthrow #7 : Iran

Ah yes, in with the Cold War and unfortunately for any nationalistic country intent on getting fair profits from their natural resources- enter C.I.A.

Background

The British were full-on exploiting the Iranians for their oil, only giving them (at most) 16% of the profits from their oil (nearbye Middle Eastern countries had deals giving them 50% w/ the Americans). Mossadegh was elected in 1951 and pursued two main ideals: (1) nationalizing their oil and (2) promoting democracy. Time magazine described him as the "Iranian George Washington". Unfortunately, both of his ideals went over very badly w/ the British and their monarch, Mohammed Reza Shah whose power was becoming increasingly ornamental.

The Take Over

First the British went for it. They tried to get rid of Mossadegh by blockading ports and attempting their own coup. After these failed, and their embassy was kicked out, Britain went to the Americans for help. Eisenhower had just been elected, and after some convincing (Britain played the Communist card even though Mossadegh disliked that ideology), the US embarked on its first covert C.I.A. overthrow.

The details here are very disturbing. The C.I.A. wanted to destabilize Iran, but this was extremely tricky since Mossadegh was very popular. To do it, they bribed Congressmen, religious leaders, and journalists to say and write negative things about Mossadegh. When that failed to do the trick, the C.I.A. paid off 2 Iranian operatives who had relations w/ street gangs to start riots around the city. In the middle of this C.I.A. induced chaos, the US's new selected leader (General du jour Zahedi) announced on Radio Tehran that he was the new leader. Soon after, Mossadegh resigned and went into house arrest.

Aftermath

The immediate ill effects, was the Shah taking charge and all pretenses to democracy being thrown away. Also, the US now had their foot in the door into the oil profits (20%). All of this, for obvious reason, embittered much of the public to the US and led to the 1979 Iranian revolution. Additionally, even though it is doubtful Carter would have tried to overthrow the new government, many Iranian feared they would which led to the hostage crisis. Today, we are still known as, "The Great Satan" in Iran and have horrible relations w/ them.

Ranking (Worst to Least Worst)

1. Iran

2. Nicaragua

3. Honduras

4. The Philippines

5. Cuba

6. Hawaii

7. Puerto Rico

I'm putting Iran right on top. Like we saw in Cuba and Nicaragua, our success in getting rid of a Democratic leader resulted in a backlash government that was every Conservatives worst nightmare, in this case the religious fundamentalists that still rule Iran. Whether or not Iran would've remained a democracy is a hypothetical, but it cannot be argued that the US directly caused them not to be. That US attempts to import democracy to the Middle East today is met w/ cynicism, is hardly surprising. Additionally, this overthrow led to destabilization and anti-Americanism in the entire region. Not to mention today's problems with an Anti-Semitic American Hating President intent on gettin the bomb.

Great Song Lines

Thought we could all just compile some great lines from songs. I'll place them in order based on greatness. Here are 4 of my favorites.

1. "Well, I woke up Sunday morning. With no way to hold my head that didn't hurt. And the beer I had for breakfast wasn't bad, so I had one more for dessert." Johnny Cash - Sunday Morning Coming Down

2. "I'd pour me a drink, but I'd only be sorry. 'Cause drinking doubles alone, don't make it a par-arty." Barba Mandell - Sleeping Single in a Double Be

3. "Watch out for the medallion, my diamonds are reckless. Feels like a midget is hangin from my necklace." Ludacris- Stand Up

4, "Later in the evening as you lie awake in bed. With the echo from the amplifiers ringing in your head. You smoke the days last cigarette, remembering what she said." Bob Seger - Turn The Page

Iron Cage Match: Hippies versus Hipsters

I'm not sure why I've been so obsessed w/ hippies lately. Perhaps b/c they are starting to feel like a dying breed in my beloved Portland. And who is replacing them you ask? Yes, the hipsters. So riders, what I'm curious about, is whom would you prefer your city dominated by: hippies or hipsters?

Advantages to Hippies

Travel more

More liberal

More open-minded

Friendlier

Advantages to Hipsters

Funnier

Better dressers

Smell Better

More realistic

Less likely to try to get you to sign their petition

In the end though, I think I'm going to have to go w/ hippies since pretty much everything I like about Portland has more to do w/ them (community oriented, knee-jerk liberals, mellow). But who do you guys seeing winning this iron cage match?

Hippies: 3 1/2

Hipsters: 1 1/2

Overthrow #6: Honduras

Beware of Sam The Banana Man...

All right, today's post and this week's in general will be pretty weak. That's b/c I'll actually be being pretty useful. The wife's uncle is in town, and he is like a hyperactive saint who retired early from being an ER doc and now is in a constant state of productivity. For the last 2 years, he will just come to town and work on our house, and I'm kind of his assistant. So... while we're finishing the upstairs, I might just not find time to pointlessly blog. Perhaps while he's on his morning bike rides or deconstructing his daily Sudoku puzzles I can sneak in an entry, but prospects seem doubtful.

But I did want to stay on top of the Overthrows. This week's will be a little different. Since I think my book is upstairs w/ grandma (she's here too) and I want to write it fast, I'm just gonna try to do it from memory. So it won't be the most... accurate, but it will at least be to the point. Maybe later this week I'll go back and polish it up.

Anyways, Honduras... Honduras is going to be very similar to Nicaragua. It's the year after Zelaya's take down (1910) and his friend Davila is in charge and faced w/ a difficult decision. Davila has taken taken loans from European banks and the US is pressuring him to pay it off with their loan and give up their customs receipts.

And then Sam the Banana Man gets involved. Sam, a US businessman, is slowly but surely taking over much of Honduras's land for its bananas. He doesn't like Davila, b/c Davila wants him to pay taxes and build the railroads he promised to build (other than the ones that go directly from his banana plantation to the ports). Also, Davila is considering restricting foreign ownership of land.





After Zelaya goes down, Sam decides this would be perfect time to rid Honduras of its democratically elected leader and picks a mercenaary to lead his war and an ex-general (it's always a general), Bonnila, to be the next president. And here is where I should be referencing the book b/c it gets complicated. Basically though, Sam's men will take over Honduras and the US will sort of help him. They never act directly, but once it gets going they'll bring their boats around and declare areas "neutral zones" so Honduras can't defend itself. It appears that although the US did not initiate this overthrow, they saw its benefits and wanted to make sure it succeeded. So, soon enough, Davila is out, and Sam the Banana Man's Man Bonilla is in. Bonilla will, unsurprisingly, be very pro-US-banana and make decisions accordingly. Including, insultingly, giving Sam like $500,000 (this is from memory, beware) to refund him for the costs of raising the revolution.





The aftermath will have Honduras being more or less a US protectorate with occasional suppressed rebellions (If it got really bad the US Marines would help out). And then in 1958 (I think) parliament will start pushing for some reform (they'll be able to start b/c the banana men have moved on) only to have a military coup replace them for 15 years. Oh, and Sam the Banana Man? He will go on to found United Fruit, which will cause even more trouble in Latin America.





Ranking (Worst to Least Worst)
1. Nicaragua
2. Honduras
3. The Philippines
4. Cuba
5. Hawaii
6. Puerto Rico





Tough call. I'd say Honduras is definitely not as bad as Nicaragua, considering the lack of civil wars and that it was initiated by a businessman and not the government. And the takeover was much less brutal than the Philippines... Still, that they actually had an established democratic government and that we reduced it to, more-or-less, protectorate status against their will makes me place it #2.

Technical Difficulties

Wow, watch out for the Trojan virus. Yesterday, I managed to accidentally download it and the result was my computer constantly telling me to download spyware and telling me the Trojan virus was going to steal my passwords (And I thought Trojans were supposed to portect you from viruses). Getting it fixed probably took me 4 hours. And maybe you have 4 hours free to deal w/ computer issues, but I'll tell you, the Chuckdaddy has people to see and places to be (okay fine I don't).

What made the situation even weirder, was every technical person I talked to was in India, which I guess I had heard about, but I didn't realize literally everyone would be. And even though I consider myself a multicultural-loving-open-to-globalization kind of guy, it certainly made the process even more frustrating to be getting technical computer questions answered by a someone who speaks English as a second language. In the end, I did this crazy thing where I gave the guy remote control of my computer and I got to watch as he whizzed the arrow around fixing things.

I guess technological things like this (a guy from India controlling my computer) should no longer be interesting, but I was fairly wowed by the whole thing (when I wasn't swearing at how long it was taking). Anyway, what about you guys. Anybody have a worse virus story to scare the rest of us with?

Blue Bunny?

So I'm at Plaid Pantry the other night, going to score some of my favorite nighttime snacks (beer and ice cream). And, not only have they taken out all of the Ben + Jerry's and Haagen Daz, but they've replaced it w/ an ice cream brand called Blue Bunny.

This disturbs me on many levels. The ice cream wasn't bad, but being not bad and competing w/ Ben and Jerry's are 2 very different matters. Additionally, am I the only one creeped out by the name Blue Bunny? First off, no one wants to think of blue when eating, it's just not appetizing. Secondly, bunnies? I guess there's the Easter candy connection, but it just makes me think of fur, which again is not appetizing. Thirdly, is it just me, or does Blue Bunny sound sexually deviant. Like, "Oh I heard she gives Blue Bunnies." And I realize sex sells, but do Blue Bunnies? I don't think so.

I am even going to go out on a limb and suggest that Blue Bunny might just be the worst brand name ever. Can anyone think of anything worse? Or are you all so satiated by the Blue Bunny you got last night that you think it's a fine brand name.

Overthrow #5: Nicaragua

Alright, OVERTHROW MONDAY. YEAHHH!!!!

This week's focus is on Nicaragua, and I I'll try to make it shorter than last week's (kids today and their attention spans...). This one sets a precedent we'll use over and over again- a popular leader's nationalism threatens our economic interests so we fund, equip, and pick somebody from their country to lead a revolt that we pretend we're only peripherally connected to. But the details...

The Inciting Incident

Zelaya came to power in 1893, and was a pretty great leader. He focused both on improving the infrastructure (building schools, paving streets, adding railways) and on being business friendly. He was considered the strongest leader in Central America and even preached uniting the whole area into 1 state. Nicaragua appeared to have a pretty decent future.

But if you fuck w/ the bull... A few things happened that would lead to Zelaya's demise. First of all, Nicaragua lost the major canal to Panama (an interesting story in it own right) and now the US did not have to make nice w/ him. Secondly, he got in a tiff w/ a Boston lumber merchant. Zelaya had let him cut down the forests in exchange for a rail line and a promise that 2 trees would be planted for every 1 cut down. The Bostonian did neither. This alone (him messing w/ an American businessman) may have gotten Zelaya tossed, but he actually agreed to the lumber merchants demands and paid him off.

Problem averted, at least for a moment, but then Zelaya had the nerve, the audacity, to get a loan from Europe to help fund a coast-to-coast railroad. Didn't he know he was only supposed to borrow from American banks? Oops. Soon, Knox (the secretary of state, who had mining interests in Nicaragua), started a negative PR campaign against Zelaya which peaked w/ President Taft asserting that the US would not, "tolerate and deal with such a medieval tyrant."

The Take Over

There were sort of 2 takeovers. First, they found a Nicaraguan governor, General Estrada, angling for power. Then American companies started sending him money. Soon he had a militia and started his American-backed revolution. Still, the march to Managua was not as easy as hoped and Zelaya quickly began crushing it. But Zelaya then made a fatal error (I guess, although his fate seemed to be already sealed). 2 Americans fighting for Estrada were caught laying mines for the "rebels" and were killed by firing squad. This resulted in Knox (the Secretary of State) writing a letter demanding Zelaya's abdication. Zelaya saw no way out against the powerful US and after some attempts to appease us, stepped down in December 1909.

The new guy, a Liberal Jurist named Jose Madriz, would be overthrown immediately in a really weird military operation. Basically, Madriz sent men to fight the "rebels" and the Marines showed up. But instead of the Marines actually firing, they told the Nicaraguan army they couldn't shoot b/c it endangered Americans (themselves). Even worse, the Americans said the "rebels" could shoot b/c they were firing in the opposite direction. Talk about tacit! Here's a quote from the US major in charge, Smedley Butler: "We sent an American beachcomber on ahead to Rama to be sure there would be another American life to protect, and then reenacted the farce at Bluefields. We forbade shooting by the government forces, and they finally melted away, convinced of the hopelessness of opposing the revolutionists backed by the Marines. The revolution ended then and there."

The Aftermath

The aftermath is the only part of Nicaraguan history we ever hear about. And it's always just made me think that Nicaragua was a pretty fucked up country. I had no idea we started the chaos. Let's see, quick version... The new presidents will do whatever the US says and by 1912 Americans will control Nicaragua's customs, national bank, steamships, and railways.

This will result in endless revolts by unhappy Nicaraguans. Benjamin Zeledon will die fighting the Marines in 1912. And his cause will be continued by Augosto Sandino, whose guerrilla warfare will result in a 1933 victory, when Hoover had enough and brought the Marines home. He'll be assassinated immediately though, it being set up by a Nicaraguan in the American created National Guard named General Somoza, who will later be assassinated (1956). The new revolutionaries called themselves the Sandinistas (named after Sandino) and they will eventually seize power in 1979, only to have to deal with the US funded Contras (remember the Iran-Contra Affair?). The war will end in 1988 and the Sandinistas will be voted out in 1990. Today, Nicaragua is peaceful. And even though they reelected recently an ex-Sandinista, they seem to have moved on from their century long struggle between US supported generals and revolutionaries.

Ranking (Worst to Least Worst)

1. Nicaragua

2. The Philippines

3. Cuba

4. Hawaii

5. Puerto Rico

I'm going to put Nicaragua right up at the top. Zelaya may not have been perfect (he gained power through a coup, sent troops into other Central American countries), but he was reelected twice and did some great things for Nicaragua. And he wasn't a radical. He was pro-business and made no attempts (that I know of) to get rid of decent American businesses. This was a leader we should have supported. And that we overthrew him b/c he was looking for loans outside of us? The nerve. What additionally makes me place Nicaragua at the top is the century of civil wars that followed our intervention. Nicaragua's woes can definitely by laid on our doorstep.

I've also decided to swap Cuba and The Philippines b/c of the utter brutality of our suppression in The Philippines and b/c I think Cuba is pretty freakin' cool when I think about it. Well, looks like it got long again. Whatevah. If I haven't bored you to tears yet, tune in next week when we take down Honduras.

Types of Hippies

This week, I've had lunch at 2 different Portland establishments, The Lonely Planet and It's a Beautiful Pizza. Both are very hippyish, but as I sat down in Lonely Planet I couldn't help but notice it was giving off a totally different hippie atmosphere. Below is my attempt to detail some of the different types of hippies in Portland.

Old School Hippie
This is the It's a Beautiful Pizza type. Tends to have pony tails, still loves everything 60's, and likes to play guitar on their porches. Very nice, if at times in a fake kind of vacant way. One should steer conversations to travel, which they tend to have done a lot of.

Edgy Hippie
This is the vibe I get at Lonely Planet. Still based in the 60's, but more of that weird but a little bit scary side of an acid trip. Robert Crumb would be their be patron saint. Tend to be more interesting then Old School Hippies, but at times act as if they were the first to think of something.

Evil Hippie
Boooo. I hate evil hippies. They never create one group, instead they infiltrate other hippie groups. They have all the accouterments and even talk about the same things, but they either get competitive and try to outhippie you or just give off I hate you vibes. Tend to be the drug dealers of their group.

Burning Man Hippie
Sort of a hippie 2.0 for the 21st century. At first they don't seem like hippies, since they like modern music and definitely would never sport a pony tail But once you get into a conversation about Burning Man it all becomes clear. "It's all about community." "We set up a giant maze and when you reached the end there's an ice cream station." "It's kind of tribal."

Subtle Hippie
This probably describes 70% of Portland. President elections represent a choice between Nader and the Democrat. They shop at Fred Meyers, but get their meat at New Seasons. They bike when they can and either own (or are planning) to get a hybrid.

Between attending Lewis and Clark College and living in Southeast Portland for ten years, my knowledge is pretty extensive. But did I miss any?

Fashion Issue: Suit and Sandals

So I was at a wedding last weekend, very low key, but people were still dressed up. And one guy is wearing nice pants, a matching suit, a subtle tie, and then sandals. And this really bothered me. Here are the arguments in his favor.

1. It was a self described Bohemian wedding, which was in a backyard.

2. This was in Portland, renowned for being informal.

3. Okay, the strongest reason. It was at his house and as my wife, who didn't even notice him, said, "Then he can do whatever the fuck he wants."

But even with all those taken into account, it still bothered me. For me, I could care less if he wasn't formal enough. Actually, one of my favorite Portland wedding outfits are the ones thrown together by people who obviously never dress up (Jeans and a suit or certain parts are way too small). But this guy was going for something different. I saw it as more of an immature sticking it to the man- a kind of even-when-I'm-dressed-up-I'm-so-mellow look. Or even worse, a you-can't-box-me-into-your-capitalist-outfits-dude front.

Truly, if he'd worn something extremely eccentric or been totally under dressed, I wouldn't have cared. To each their own. But he was being purposeful. And I know if I asked him about it he would've said something like, "I just find shoes so uncomfortable." Then why are you wearing a tie dumb ass?

But what do you guys think. Am I going too far? We know suits and sandals are a fashion no no, but is it fashion heresy as well?

Download 2 Songs or Buy the Album?

Over the last month I've bought 3 albums, and with each one I wondered if buying the whole album was necessary. What do the Xpress riders think?

Amy Winehouse's Back to Black
Should I have just downloaded 2 songs? Probably
I think I'm about 7 months late on this album, but, nevertheless, I do think the first 2 songs on her CD are great. A song about going to rehab? Hilarious. But I start to get tired of it after that. It starts to feel less like a new take on 60's soul and just to be retread 60's soul. And it also sort of bothers me that she's white. It's stupid, but I think if she black it would seem more like she was going back to her roots. Somehow her being British makes it a little better.

The White Stripes' Icky Thump
Should I have just downloaded 2 songs? Definitely
Although I'm not sure which 2 songs. I've always felt very strongly about the White Stripes. The songs I like of theirs I love, but I've never felt like 1 album works all the way through. There always ends up being a few derivative overly heavy guitar tunes that force me to skip ahead. Get Behind Me Satan was my favorite, so I had high hopes for their new one. In the end though, I think this might be one of their weakest albums. The songs feel randomly put together, and even the main hit, Icky Thump is starting to get on my nerves. I wouldn't say I regret downloading the whole CD, but I probably would've been better off picking and choosing just a couple.

Peter, Bjorn, and John's Writer's Block


Should I have just downloaded 2 songs? Probably not
Granted, my 2 favorite songs on this CD are Young Folks and Amsterdam, but I think it's good enough throughout to warrant owning the whole shebang. I have to admit, at times they can be a little bit too Indie Rock whiny for me, but usually I have it on in the background and am just enjoying it.

Oh, and I just bought a CD which I definitely like the whole thing: Feist's The Reminder. Very good.

Overthrows #2, #3, and #4: Cuba, Puerto Rico, and The Phillipines

Most weeks I'll still keep to 1 overthrow of a foreign government by the US, but since these all happened during the Spanish-American War, I thought it made sense to do all 3 (plus they were all in the same chapter of the book I'm pilfering: Steve Kinzer's Overthrow)

Spanish American War

People who say the US has never been an imperialist nation aren't just failing to notice our many tacit takeovers, they are completely ignoring the Spanish American War of 1898. Why did we go to battle with Spain? Were we whipped into nationalistic frenzy by William Hearst's yellow journalism? Were we picking on a declining powerhouse (Spain)? Was it our natural next progression after Manifest Destinying to the end of our continent? Could it be that our ever-expanding industry needed more countries to sell our products to? Or, maybe it was just about the USS Maine (REMEMBER IT- DAMN IT!).

Regardless, after the USS Maine, who was just innocently sitting in Havana's harbor btw, was attacked all these factors combined into a war with Spain. Now, some conspiracy theorists claim we blew up the US Maine ourselves, to give us a reason to attack. There is some logic (Spain didn't appear to want a fight) and precedent (The Mexican War) for this, although it did result in 250+ US soldiers dying. Anyway, despite Spain suing for peace throughout, we kicked their asses from the Caribbean to Manila Bay and received, for our efforts, 3 prizes: Cuba, Puerto Rico, and The Philippines.

Cuba

In 1898 Cuba was at the end of its own war w/ Spain. They had been fighting for independence on + off since 1868. Still, victory was very close and they had no interest in US help. But that didn't stop us. Even though the US didn't like Spain controlling Cuba, business leaders were even more worried that an independent Cuba would redistribute land, and with it the $50 million they had invested.

Congress decided that Cuba needed us and we were going to give it to them whether they liked it or not. Many in Congress, presciently, were concerned we'd step in and take over. So they only agreed to McKinley's war resolution after adding the Teller Amendment, which said: "The United States hereby disclaims any disposition or intention to exercise sovereignty, jurisdiction, or control over said island except for pacification thereof, and asserts the its determination, when that is accomplished, to leave the government and control of the island to its people."

Nevertheless, we arrived at the 12th hour, blew up a few Spanish warships, and won a battle where Teddy charged up a hill. After Spain abdicated, the US passed the Platt Agreement, which gave us military bases, the ability to veto Cuban treaties and, "the right to intervene for the preservation of Cuban independence." The Cuban delegates were forced to decide between starting a new war with the US or allowing their semi-independence. By a vote of 15-14 they accepted the US's agreements.

Puerto Rico

Spain had just granted Puerto Rico considerable autonomy and they were just hoping we would let them be. No such luck. On May 12th 7 US warships showed up outside of San Juan, battled for 3 1/2 hours, and set up a blockade. After the war was over, at the peace conference in Paris, Spain tried to hold onto Puerto Rico, but to no avail. Soon, the US controlled, "You lovely Island," Puerto Rico.

The Philippines

Adding The Philippines was almost random. Basically, after kicking Spanish tail in the Manila Bay, we had a choice, just set-up an army base there or take control of the entire archipelago. After, supposedly, praying, McKinley came to the decision that we should take over all 7,000 islands to "Christianize" them. Besides being culturally egotistical, this also showed how ignorant McKinley was about the new country, they were already almost entirely Christan (Catholics). Another reason to take them over, probably the primary one, was the closeness to China, and the potential for selling goods to that most mass of mass markets. As McKinley said to Congress, "We could not turn (The Philippines) over to France or Germany, our commercial rivals in the Orient. That would be bad business and discreditable."

What the US also didn't know about The Philippines was the degree to which they wanted independence. A brutal guerrilla campaign for independence was already underway against the Spanish and would quicky switch to their new oppressors. In the 3 year campaign 4,000+ US soldiers, 16,000+ guerrilla, and at least 20,000 civilians were killed. In 1902 Teddy Roosevelt considered The Philippines finally pacified.

Aftermath

The Republic of Cuba was born in 1902, and with it sporadic uprisings and attacks on US property. In the 30's, these protests got so big that FDR encouraged the Cuban army to coup. The replacement, a seargant named Batista, would be awful (what a surprise!). He crushed dissent, invited US mafia in to make Havana Las Vegas Caribbean ("The hottest spot north of Havana"), and would cancel the elections of 1952. Ironically, Fidel Castro was going to run in these. But Fidel will get to be president, the old fashioned way. In 1959, with his rebel army triumphant, he marched into Santiago and made his first speech, "This time the revolution will not be frustrated! This time, fortunately for Cuba, the revolution will achieve its true objective. It will not be like in 1898 when the Americans came and made themselves masters of the country." Castro, of course as you know, still (well more or less) rules today.

In Puerto Rico's aftermath, the US made them less autonomous than they were under Spain. Also our corporations will come in to take the best land and convert most of the island to sugar plantations. The Puerto Ricans will become gradually poorer, their unemployment rate increasing from 17% pre-US to 30% in 1925. At this time 1/3 were illiterate and their life expectancy was 46. Starting in the 60's, the US will grant Puerto Rico more control and it has become increasingly stronger economically. Currently, its status is in limbo between statehood and territory.

The Philippines will be granted independence in 1946, although 2 US military bases will remain. This will become a problem when Marcos is elected and then won't leave. We will continue to monetarily support him (we don't want to lose our bases) while he closed Congress, jailed the opposition, and enriched himself and his shoe crazy wife. Our bases and Marcos are gone now, but many locals there still blame us for their country's current poverty.

Ranking (worst to least worst)

1. Cuba

2. The Philippines

3. Hawaii

4. Puerto Rico

1 + 2 and 3+ 4 are close for me. I believe Hawaii is a richer state, but Puerto Rico might actually be lucky for their quasi status. We won't ever let them fully bottom out and they can steadily immigrate here if they want. On the other hand, they've managed to keep their traditions much more so than the native Hawaiians. With Cuba and The Philippines I can really see either way. The Philippines campaign was horiffic. But what bumps Cuba to the top for me is 2 things, (1) The utter lameness of us sweeping in after they were just about to get victory after 30+ years of fighting. And that we had the nerve to claim we should get credit for helping them? Shameful. (2) As much as I think Cuba is cool, the place is impoverished (A favorite Cuban joke: "The 3 successes of the revolution- sports, health care, and education. The 3 failures- breakfast, lunch, and dinner.") and have more or less no free speech. And I don't think a Castro exists other than a backlash to our overthrow.

But don't worry, we'll have plenty of other competitors for worst overthrow, starting next week with Nicaragua!