Monday, May 29, 2006

So Milwaukee


I don't know if others will find this as funny as I did, but I read this in The Oregonian's Edge today. I'll just quote it

"In Milwaukee, Wisconsin a semi-formal fete offering unlimited martinis for $30 at the Milwaukee Art Museum turned into a drunken melee with people climbing onto sculptures, getting into altercations, throwing up and passing out. A group of 4 young men climbed into a large sculpture of a goddess-like woman with exagerated features. 'They were grabbing on it, grabbing the boobs,' said one attendee."

The Sex Lives of Cannibals

About twenty people have told me to read this book, and well, just started it, and I think they're all correct. Here's a quote where he describes where he's going.

"To picture Kiribati, imagine that the continental U.S. were to conveniantly disappear leaving only Baltimore and a vast swath of very blue ocean in its place. Now chop up Baltimore into 33 pieces, place a neughborhood where Maine used to be, another where California once was, and so on until you have 33 pieces of Baltimore dispersed in such a way as to ensure that 32/33 of Baltimorians will never attend an Orioles game. Now take away electricity, running water, toilets, television, restaurants and airplanes. Replace with thatch. Flatten all land into a uniform two feet above sea level. Toy with island by melting polar ice caps. Add palm trees. Sprinkle with hepatitis A, B, and C. Stir in dengue fever and intestinal parasites. Take away doctors. Isolate and bake at a constant temperature of 100 degrees Fahrenheit. The result is the republic of Kiribati."

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Gimmicks That Work

Good musicianship, playing from the heart, powerful lyrics, ear-catching tunes... All these are great ways to make a good song/album. But I always find it interesting when bands try some gimmick, a tweak on what is expected and would usually sound a little bit cheesy if you were to describe it. Sometimes it works, and other times...

Gimmicks That Worked
1. Your Song- Elton John

All right. I realize that Elton John represents everything lame since his Candle song to the Princess. But don't forget that pre-Diana, he was just known as a classic rock guy with funny glasses. And "Your Song" is a really strange song when you think about it. The story goes that Elton and Billy Jean King were riding together in a Limo and he told her that he liked and respected her so much, that he would write a song about her. Not too unusual there. But instead of a song about her sweet serve, or her out-of-the-closet pride, or her ass-kicking of the male chauvinist, he just sings the entire time about how it's her song. Tres post modern.

2. Stan- Eminem
An epistle story where a fan writes increasingly obsessed fan letters to a his favorite rapper? If Marshall matters had turned this in for his high school creative writing class, he'd have received a C+ at best. But somehow it worked and came off as creative and interesting. He loses points though for performing it with the aforementioned Elton John in another attempt to show the world just how complicated and unpredictable he was.

3. Concept Albums- Sgt Peppers, The Wall, Tommy
Sergeant Pepper's changed the entire concept of the album (that is now being ruined by I-tunes) and was a great album to boot. The Wall might not seem all that deep now, but in high school? And I can't really remember much about Tommy other than Pinball Wizard, but seemed solidly ambitious nevertheless. They all brought us the concept album, a great gimmick for attracting attention to the whole work.

4. Weird Al
I realized just how universal he was when I worked in an inner-city school and one of the kids was cracking everybody up by singing "Amish Paradise". This man is a genius (Taco Grande for Rico Suave?), and he's really used the same gimmick for his entire career.

5. Grateful Dead
Hmmm... Mediocre music, but like to travel and do drugs... How can we keep this up? Got it! We will actually encourage people to tape us, make every concert different, and play 25 minute songs that only someone on Acid could endure. Viola. Twirly dancers unite. A gimmick that created an entire subculture.


Gimmicks That Didn't Work

1. All Other Concept Albums

Are there any other good ones? And don't tell me about that Radiohead one about cloning and computers and shit (or maybe that's a couple of them). LAME!

2. Every Flaming Lips Song

They are just so quirky and weird! How did they get to be so crazy and whacky! Gimmicks should be done in small doses, not used to liven just about every so-so song you write.

3. Drive My Car
BEEP BEEP BEEP YEAH! Worst Beatles song ever recorded. I still get a little embarrassed when I hear it.

4. "Positive" Rap
Do you remember when everyone seemed to be on the search for rap that was "good"and wholesome? And when one was found critics overrated it and everybody jumped on board? But where have you gone Arrested Development? Now rap is so mainstream people have finally stopped doing this, but any attempt to make any form of music "positive" is always a mistake. The real challenge is continually trying to shock the masses, and gangster rap was handling itself just fine in that department. The whole thing seemed vaguely racist, like why weren't people pushing for wholesome heavy metal?

5. Stryper
Speaking of wholesome heavy metal, Stryper was a gimmick that should have worked, but failed. Anyone who's seen Behind the Music knows the common rock star life curve - discovered to fame to drugs to falling apart to Jesus. Well, Stryper went the exact opposite direction. They started as a Christian heavy metal band with albums like "To Hell With The Devil" and then became a hard partying devil band. But alas, redemption found in Satan just didn't sell that well.Side note, some friends of mine in middle school went through a Christian Rock faze where they liked Stryper and The Altar Boys. They went to a Stryper show and the band actually threw bibles out to the crowd. Sorry, I know I'm getting off-topic, but Christian genres of music really fascinate me. Does anyone know if there's ever been any successful Christian Gangster Rap? Christian Salsa? Christian Death Metal...

Saturday, May 20, 2006

2 Sports Metaphors Collide


Does it come down to veteran wiles or who wants it more?

Prognosticating these games is almost silly. Who's going to win between Dallas and San Antonio? How can you possibly predict the victor of games when it's been unclear wuth a minute left who was going to win? Detroit and Cleveland? You have to bet on Detroit, but how can you count out a Cleveland team who keeps on surprising? And neither the Clippers or Phoenix should be there, so it has been confusing who's upsetting whom. Does it go to Phoenix and their weird run and shoot small ball, or Brand's inside game combined with Cassell's big shots?

So in the end you have to like the more veteran teams with their home court for game seven. But then again those other teams do seem to just want it more...

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Portland Tourist Attractions


The parents just left, and although it was a good visit, I am starting to feel like a pretty lame tour guide. Showing people around Portland had been one of my favorite past times, but now that I'm on my 14th year of living here and it being about my parent's 10th visit, I'm finding myself becoming a bit of a grumpy old Portlandite. I feel like I've either shown them it already or have no interest to. This got me thinking about things in Portland that I still want to do, and some things that I have no interest in ever doing.

5 Things I Want To Do
1. Go to the model stonehenge built by ("Where in the") Sam Hill
2. Drink at Mount Angel's Octoberfest
3. Watch a Winterhawks game
4. Go to the Alien and Vacuum Cleaner Museums
5. Bet on horses at that sleazy off-track betting place downtown

5 Things I Do Not Want To Do
1. Attend the Rose Parade
2. Go to the Cinco de Mayo festival
3. Spend time at the Chinese Gardens
4. See Peacock Lane's lights by horse
5. Ever participate in dragon boat races

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Overthrow


Reading the best non-fiction book ever right now: Overthrow, by Stephen Kinzer. It is the history of the 14 governments the US has overthrown starting with Hawaii and ending with Iraq. I'm halfway through and so far we've toppled Hawaii, Cuba, The Philippines, Puerto Rico, Panama, Nicaragua, Honduras, Iran, Guatemala, and Vietnam. The writing is great, clear and interesting. I also appreciate that he doesn't moralize about how terrible we've been, since he really doesn't need to. The perpetual hypocricy of America, the land of the free, comes through loud and clear.

It, unsurprisingly, has made me much more down on our country. Since college, I've found myself slowly getting... I wouldn't say more conservative, but less judgmental about America. And it is stupid to say the US is the anti-christ, when all countries, and humans, can be and have been evil. But this book is kind of sending me back. Yes, all countries have done bad things but... 14 governments in just over a century?

It all got me to thinking about which country has behaved the worst over the last century. Defining this is tough. Is it how they act in their own countries or how much they've effected the rest of the world? Does doing good things help them? How about all those are factors.


1. Russia: Stalin was almost as bad as Hitler and they're still oppressive
2. Germany: Behaving themselves quite well lately, but still a major factor in two world wars. And then there was the Holocaust.
3. Cambodia: Don't know a whole lot about the history of Pol Pot, but I think it's that he killed a lot of his people while trying to force them to be farmers. Not the nicest, or most forward looking, leader
4. USA: Not so bad at home, but abroad...
5. Britain: Like the US, but more colonialism and less bad lately
6. Iraq: Saddam might come in third in terms of things he's done to his country (gassing the Kurds, political assassinations, torturing...). But, other than Kuwait and Iran has done little to the rest of the world and I don't believe anything pre-Sadaam.

Monday, May 08, 2006

Best Second Round Ever?

Maybe the best, and would have at least been the most interesting had the Lakers won. I mean, a hallway series, 2 evenly matched ones, and the only blow-out featuring Lebron? I can't believe I was actually rooting for the Laker for once, but alas it wasn't meant to be, and watching Kobe lose will certainly not torture me very long.

Who will win:

Detroit: No-brainer
San Antonio: Will be a great series, perhaps the best, in terms of mutual close talent, that the playoffs will offer. I want to go with Dallas and will root for them, but I think San Antonio is just a bit too smart and experienced.
NJ: Should be another close series, and I do know that they won the first game. Still I was leaning towards them. Half-a-Shaq and the imminent Wade injury will tip the balance.
LA: Phoenix is just not impressing me. I guess if they can keep the pace up like they eventually started doing against the other LA they will win this as well. But the Clips have some great inside guys who can slow the pace and Sam-I-Am-The-Fetus-Man to hit the big shots.

Also, click here if anyone wants to read a hilarious blog comparing the first-round playoff teams to 80's sitcoms. Must like basketball and have watched a lot of TV as a child (sorry Michael, 0 for 2) to appreciate.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Battle of The Nerds


Not getting a whole lot of comments... Maybe I should... Do a music blog! Alright, although topics for me to cover are fading fast, here is one. I was wondering which band people thought had the biggest nerds. Now, the judgement of what exactly constitutes a nerd is both fully up to the beholder, and a stereotype everyone has some sense of. I'm not judging them, oh no, since that would be inherently critical considering that I myself am a big fat nerd (the secret's out!). I'm just thinking, that for the most part Rock and Roll bands reek cool, while working to define it generation after generation... Except for a few of those nerds that somehow slip through the gates...

I'm going to nominate The Bare Naked Ladies, mostly for performing the nerdiest rap song ever, and They Might Be Giants, who are lovable nerds indeed. And my vote goes to those "Istanbul Was Once Constantinople" singing Giants.

They Might Be Giants: 2

Bare Naked Ladies:


Oingo Boingo:

Weezer:

Monday, May 01, 2006

HBO Shows

HBO has really hit on a particular combo: intricate plots, a bunch of amoral characters, graphic sex and/or violence and viola! A highly addictive show is born. Here are my rankings of the ones I've watched.

1. Sopranos
Even though this season has been a step down, this show has had an amazing run. Incredible acting (except for AJ and Artie), great plot twists, great charcters... I will venture to say that this is the best TV show ever (and shut-up about Seinfeld, it's not even close). A+

2. 6 Feet Under

In some ways I like 6 Feet better. As someone who loves to analyze, I appreciates the focus on less characters and began to feel a bit like a part of the Fisher Famliy (although thank god I'm not). But it just didn't have the consistency to rival The Sopranos. After the first two years it fell a little, and even though by that point I was already hooked, I just can't say with a clear conscience that it is a better show than the Sopranos. A

3. Sex and the City
Great show. I always seem to remember it as slight and surfacy, but whenever I watch it again I am always impressed by the tightness of the plots, the variety of the themes, and the humor. A

4. Rome
I think wife and I are the only 2 people who like this show. I kind of wonder who the audience is meant to be. If they're trying to get the nerds, you would think they'd cut some of the gratuitous sex and make it more historically accurate. But would non-nerds really be into Roman history? Anyway, this nerd and wife love it, even if it isn't in the same league as the above 3. B+

5. Deadwood
Wife loves it, but I cannot get into it. I think part of it is that I am so desensitized to violence in general that the show never really shocks me. So instead I'm just watching miserable dirty people walk between their rooms and the saloon. Didn't people ever crack a joke back then? Lighten up people! Extra Sopranos points for its willingness to kill off main characters. C