Iron Cage Match #3

Law versus Order

Finally! An actual match. And this one is close folks. Which part of the show is better (and I'm talking the regular show, not CI or SVU or SUV or...), Law or Order? First, definition time. Even though police are often called "The Law" and judges have been known to say, "Order in the court," I still think most would agree that on the show they mean Law to be the lawyers and Order to be the cops. So which one is it????

Very very close call, since both are so good. But I do have to lean towards the Order, the first half of the show. I like both people, and the investigation is usually interesting. And how about those wisecracks? The Law is good as well, but although the guy lawyer is great, his female counterparts are kind of lame. Also, even if I do usually fall for it, I'm not as into the "breaks down and confesses" routine. It almost seems like that is more based on how much time they have left than the actual case. Like, oops, we spent 45 minutes on Order, let's finish this off fast.

So very close. And as the show tells us, you can't have one without the other. But if I had to pick? I'd go with Order.

Overall Predictions

Atlantic
1. NJ
2. NY
3. PHI
4. BOS
5. TOR

Central
1. IND
2. DET
3. CLE
4. CHI
5. MIL

Southeast
1. MIA
2. WASH
3. ORL
4. CHA
5. ATL

Southwest
1. DAL
2. HOU
3. SA
4. MEM
5. NO

Northwest
1. DEN
2. MIN
3. SEA
4. UTA
5. POR

Pacific
1. SAC
2. LAL
3. PHO
4. GS
5. LAC

MVP: Kobe Bryant
Coach of the Year: Avery Johnson
Rookie of The Year: Chris Paul

All NBA
1. Bryant
2. Lebron
3. Dirk
4. Garnett
5. Shaq

All Rookie
1. Chris Paul
2. Andrew Bogut
3. Charlie Villanueva
4. Nate Robinson
5. Rashard McCants

Rookie Surprise: Salim Stoudamire

Southwest Division

Atlantic Divison
Central Division
Southeast Division

Pacific Division
Northwest Division

Best division in basketball

1. Dallas Mavericks
What They've Done: Not much for once
Questions: Was Dirk's behavior in the playoffs him finally taking charge, or a sign that he's kind of an asshole? And if it's both, is this a good thing or a bad thing?
Where They'll Rank: Oh yeah. Who's crazy. WHO"S CRAZY! That's right, you heard it here. Not only will San Antonio not finish first, they'll finish 3rd!!!!! Call this the bad karma theory. Everything's been going too good for the Spurs plus Dallas and Houston are very good. I'd still take San Antonio in the playoff series between either, but I would not be surprised to see both pass San Antonio in the regular season. Do not forget that Dallas only lost one more game than them last year and ended the season on a Avery Johnson inspired "defense matters' rampage. I also like that Dallas made no whole-sale changes for once. And by the way, Dirk for MVP!

2. Houston Rockets
What They've Done: Signed Stromile Swift. Traded Mike James for "Skip To My Lou after I lose my shit" Alston. Drafted Luther Head.
Questions: Is it Yaoertime? Will Luther Head be able to contribute?
Where They'll Rank: I'm not sure about the Alston trade, but they are extremely well-coached, Yao is rested, and Swift seems like a great fit. And nice general managering (it is too a verb)! From a team that had two players and spare parts, they now have a plethora of solid players (Sura, Wesley, Howard, Swift, Head...). They also ended last year very strong.


3. San Antonio Spurs
What They've Done: Signed another foreigner who'll probably be great, drafted an unknown foreigner who'll also be great. Signed Van Exel and Finley
Questions: Will Van Exel play nice? Can Tony Parker be more consistent?
Where They'll Rank: Oh, who're you gonna call when I end up being right? Huh? Admittedly, San Antonio looks strong. Besides, you know, winning the championship, they've added nice-guy Finley and a player who can go 0 for 10 and then hit the game winner (Van Exel). This all seems like a very scarily good mixture, but it goes against the less-is-more Spurs mantra and I think it'll hurt them a little. I still pity the fools who draw them in the first round, but I think the regular season will not be the cake walk others are predicting.

4. Memphis Grizzlies
What They've Done: Made a really complicated and bizarre trade. Drafted Warrick. Lost Swift.
Questions: Will Warrick be a steal? Can Posey stay healthy?
Where They'll Rank: Bye bye Jason Williams, Stomile Swift, James Posey, and Bonzi Wells. Hello oft-injured Bobby Jackson, inconsistent Damon Stoudamire, and salary albatross-past-his-prime Eddie Jones. I don't know. Since West is a genious, I'll assume these really bad moves are actually great since the guys who left did seem to be locker room cancers wheras the new ones are nice guys. But does that actually ever work? I know you hear teams say that they're doing that, but I can't think of a time teams did get better when they traded talent for character. Or maybe I've just been living in Portland too long... Anyway, they've got some good team guys and Fratello is amazingly short. Maybe it'll all work somehow.

5. New Orleans Hornets
What They've Done: Signed a Lithuanian whose name I can't spell. Drafted Chris Paul. Traded Magloire for Mason and a #1.
Questions: Who won the Magloire trade? How much will JR Smith develop? Why Oklahoma City?
Where They'll Rank: Although I like the Magliore trade for them (10 ppg center for decent started and pobably a lottery pick), it definitely signals that this is one of those look-at-the-bigger-picture-years. They made no big signings, even though they had the money, and seem happy to play for the worst record and stockpile draft picks. Still, it is probably the right decision. I like Chris Paul a lot, but he wasn't taking anyone to the playoffs this year. But next year, with a second year Paul, an emerging JR, 2 more lottery picks and a lot of money to spend, who knows?

Iron Cage Match #2

Mattress World versus Sleep Country USA

This week's match-up is, again, not even close. Sorry Sleep Country USA, but Mattress World's jingle has you beat, and then some.

The tune of Sleep Country USA is not terrible. Annoying, but it is an ad and does stick in your head, which is the purpose. But not only is Mattress World's catchy, but it goes a step further. The passion the singer pleads with seems out-of-place, but earnest. And although Sleep Country USA make a solid point in, "Why buy a mattress anywhere else," it falls short of Mattress World's esoteric admonishment that, "It's not too late to sleep like a baby." What does this mean exactly? How do they know I haven't been sleeping like a baby, and did I really sleep that well as a baby? Don't they wake up crying a lot? Sleep like a teenager would probably be more fitting. Alright, maybe I'm being a wee bit too literal, but the line does sort of fascinate me. It almost seems Freudian, reminding us how happy we once were in the safety of childhood and that it's not too late to return to the happy womb... of Mattress World. So after flinging Sleep Country USA against the ropes, a quick clothes line closes out this match.

Northwest Division Predictions

Atlantic Divison
Central Division
Southeast Division

Pacific Division

Three good teams, two bad teams.

1. Denver Nuggets
What They've Done: Drafted Julius "Podge" Hodge, signed Earl Watson.
Questions: Will Anthony rebound back on to the superstar track? Will they get sick of Karl? Did they sign Watson because they're planning on trading Miller?
Where They'll Rank: Denver didn't do much in the off-season, but if they continue to play like they were at the end of last year, it won't matter. The main issue seems to be whether they'll start to tune out Karl, and it doesn't take a psychic to forsee that he and Carmelo will not be a good long-term match. But it usually takes a few years before Karl begins to grate. for now, they are the team to beat in this division

2. Minnesota Timberwolves
What They've Done: Sprewell left the building. Traded Cassell for Jaric. Drafted McCants
Questions: Will they trade Szczszczerbiak? Can Garnett lead them back to the playoffs?
Where They'll Rank: The Timberwolves always seem to have very uneventful off-seasons (other than 2 years ago), and this year's blockbuster trade of The Human Fetus for Jaric was no different. At least they got to draft this year (although they've alreadyt raded away next year's pick), and Rashard "MeCan"McCants is a risk that might pay off. Nevertheless, other than last year, Garnett and the other guys were enough to get to the playoffs and I see this year being no different. Having one coach for the whole year will add stability, as will the losses of complainers Cassell and Sprewell. I don't see them as contenders, but I do think they'll be a solid playoff team.

3. Seattle Supersonics
What They've Done: Lost Daniels and James. Got a new coach. Resigned Allen.
Questions: Was last year a blip, or are they really contenders now? How much will they miss Daniel and Jerome "Jesse" James?
Where They'll Rank: In what could have been a terrible offseason, Seattle emerged with limited casualties. They still have a star in Allen and a highly skilled player in Lewis. But losing McMillan and Casey should hurt them. I don't know much about Weiss, but I am aware that he coached the Atlanta Hawks at some point, which is always a bad sign. They also have Fortson already complaining. I think they'll still compete for a playoff spot, but will not rereach the hegiths of their charmedlast season.

4. Utah Jazz
What They've Done: Drafted Deron, traded two former first rounder for the Tagman, and lost Raja "Ring My" Bell.
Questions: Will Deron Williams be better than the other point guards drafted after him? Wil Mehmet break out?
Where They'll Rank: A lot of people are getting excited about Utah's chances this year and I do not see why. I, personally, don't think Deron is going to be that great, but even if he is, it's probably not going to happen this year. He's a rookie at the hardest position to learn. I also think Boozer's going to be this generation's Juwan Howard, a tough solid player who got paid like a superstar and then got crucified for not being one. Besides having the best nickname ever, AK-47 is a huge talent, but seems very injury prone. Maybe Sloan can get this to wok, but I don't see it.

5. Portland Trailblazers
What They've Done: Signed Juan Dixon. Drafted Webster and Jack. Lost Shareef and "Main Man" Damon. Gave Nate McMillan a lot of money.
Questions: When will the rebuilding end? Why are there no vowels in the first 5 letter of Joel Przybilla's name? Will Miles do better as a starter?
Where They'll Rank: This should be a long year. I think Nate was a good choice and that Sebastion has a bright future, but they should be really bad this year. They have virtually no veterans. They can't shoot. And they have 5 small forwards and no half-decent shoot guard options. Also, Zack Randolph is returning from serious surgery on his knee. By the way, could there have been a worse extension ever? Instead of letting him be a RESTRICTED free agent they give him a maz contract. He then goes out and has a mediocre season and gets seriously injured. How much do think they would have had to pay him if they had waited a summer? Anyway, at least the Blazers have a plan now. Unfortunately though, Blazer fans are going to be quickly reminded that rebuilding sounds much better than it actually is (ss Jordan once said, the Cubs have been rebuilding for 90 some years now).

Iron Cage Match #1

Clap Your Hands versus Wolf Patrol

All right, this week we'll be pitting two new Indies against eachother. Who will come out to see the light of day? Read below to find out!

Sorry Wolf Patrol, but Clap Your Hands' new album kicks yo butt and then some. Right when I think I'm getting all hip about music, I listen to an album by a band like Wolf Patrol and realize I am far from ever becoming a true Indie Rawk Star. It's bothering me that I can't quite put my finger on why Wolf Patrol sucks my ass so bad. Is it that they sound more pretentious? Is it less rockin'? Or does it have something to do with the instrumentation (help me out here Miguelito)? Both albums are similar, but I keep on putting on Clap Your Hands whereas I forget Wolf Patrol is even playing. Maybe its their 80's influences. While lap Your Hands takes the Talkings Heads in an interesting direction, Wolf Patrol seems to go in the souless synthesized direction of Bloc Party and Interpol. We don't need anymore broke retro New Order bands. So with a quick drop kick to the head, Wolf Patrol drop to the ground for an easy pin by the true up and coming band of the moment.

Give Peace a Chance

I read an interesting article by Lawrence Kaplan in the New Republic titled, "Mall Rats." In it, he goes to the recent anti-war demonstration in DC and comes out very unimpressed. Although a 100,000 people showed up, it seems they couldn't get behind one central message, you know like maybe, GET OUT OF IRAQ. Instead it was more of a, "flea market for the disaffected," where Iraq booths competed with Palestine tents that competed with (probably) Free Mumia banners. Even the official label struggled to focus and read, "End colonial occupation: Iraq, Palestine, Haiti..." So why can't people unify behind their dislike of a war that is arguably less popular than Vietnam (a majority did not support withdrawal until 1969-1970, whereas a majority already want out of Iraq)? Kaplan argues it is the purely selfish self-preservationist fact that there is no draft and that this war really doesn't effect people on a personal level.
This might be selling the specifics of the two wars' differences a little short. For as much as I was opposed to us going into Iraq, an Iraq withdrawal does not hold the moral clarity that leaving Vietnam did. In my take, Vietnam was really us trying to deny a country their self-determination to rule themselves. Pulling out of Vietnam meant us stopping embroiling a small country in our cold war. Rooting for evacuating Iraq gets more tricky. You can't really say that you want it to return to Sadaam, who was certainly a terrible dictator. Nor can you really feel good about American troops leaving a country that would be then bound for years of Civil War.
But then again, Kaplan might be right. Would I be so worried about these details, if I was checking my mail every day for a draft card? Would people use an Iraq demonstration to broadcast their personal pet political project if they knew the continuing war meant their continuing chance to die? And how would I feel, if I found out a younger brother was going to risk his life for a war George Dubya got us into? Maybe we are so selfish. And I guess there is some historical precendent. When Nixon ixnayed the Vietnam draft, "It was as if someone had flicked a light switch. Presto, the throbbing social conscience that had spread across America went limp" (Mike Royco). How lame, if it true, that we are guaging our response more by saving our own necks than actually trying to make the world a better place.

Glow-In-The-Dark Donkeys

In the South African country of Namibia, there has been a big problem with DIDs (driving into donkeys). It seems that the paved roads are a nice warm place to sleep, and drivers have been killed by smashing into these big asses at night. Recently, the president's guard died in a donkey-related-incident. Enter Russell Hay, a British man in charge of Donkey Welfare. He is piloting a program in which volunteers attach reflective tags to Donkeys' ears. The new glowing donkeys will now be easier to avoid, saving both parties' lives. Hurray for glow-in-the-dark donkeys!!!

Music Issue #2

The Music Issue #1

Spoon: "Gimme Fiction"
I don't really know what to say about this album other than that it is really really good. Besides a few songs my sister put on a mix for me, I hadn't heard much Spoon before, so I can't really speak to how it compares to their older stuff. But this album is great; just a collection of very well written songs. What else can you say?

Richmond Fontaine: "The Fitzgerald"
Reminds me of a mix between early Tom Waits and Smog. So as you can imagine, this isn't exactly a pick-me-up album. It's kind of one of those CDs which in its simplicity rides the line between being powerfully bare and kind of forgettable. After 2 week I haven't decided which. Am kind of curious if anyone else has heard him (other than Miguelito of course).

Kanye West: "Late Registration
So you might be wondering, what conviced this 31 year-old white boy to buy a Kanye West album? Was it him calling out Dubya? Was it him single handedly bringing the prep into gangsta? Was it his anti-bling anthem "Diamonds From Sierra Leone" (that made me feel way less guily about Marsha rocking the Cubic Zirconium)? Actually, it was his incredible song "Gold Digger" that I can't seem to get out of my head. Now, most computer literate music fans of my generation would have just downloaded the one song they liked, but I thought Kanye deserved better. And although no songs on the rest of the album reach the utter awesomness of "Gold Digger", it's pretty good. Not great, but it's a solid album with only one overly R+Bish song that I'm forced to skip (a duet with Moesha). And what a nice young man Kanye is! On the CD is a shout-out to his mom, a sad recollection of his grandmother in the hospital, and even a call for safer driving ("Drive Slow Homey"). Overall, I feared regretting this impulse buy and, thus far, am happy with it.