Pacific Division Prediction

Atlantic Divison
Central Division
Southeast Division

With the weakening of the Suns and strengthening of the Warriors, this has become a solidly middling division.

1. Phoenix Suns
What They've Done: Traded their draft pick (who ended up being Nate Robinson) and Quentin Richardson for Kurt Thomas, traded Joe Johnson for Hawks' pick and French Super Star Boris Diaw, signed Brian Grant and Raja Bell.
Questions: Can they keep up their break-neck pace with Thomas? Who's going to hit their 3-pointers? Will Nash have any injury issues?
Where They'll Rank: I think Amare Stoudemire has played a very underrated role in all the bad things that happened to the Suns this summer. I've read he pretty much required not playing center. So in comes Thomas. And Joe Johnson? They didn't want to overpay (smartly) because they knew they'd have to pay Amare. So I think they will be worse, but still good enough with Nash and man-child Amare to win this division.

2. Los Angeles Laker
What They've Done: Traded Chucky and Caron for Kwame. Brought back Chief Big Triangle. Drafted a tall high school project.
Questions: Will Kwame resurrect his career? Can Kobe stage a comeback? And of course, can Kobe and Phil get along?
Where They'll Rank: That's right. Second. You heard it hear. And I hate the Lakers so this is not a sentimental pick. Everyone is just relishing in the Laker's and Kobe's demise and writing them off. Bad idea. As much as I hope I'm wrong, Kobe is an incredible player who just might take revenge on the league this year. And Phil is a great coach. As much as they stunk last year, they also probably would have made the playoffs if Rudy (Phil-lite) had remained as coach, and if Kobe/Lamar had avoided injury. I don't see home court advantage in the first round, but I also pity the team that has to play them then.

3. Sacramento Kings
What They've Done: Lost Bobby Jackson and Darius "Malaria" Songalia, gained Francisco, Bonzi, and Shareef.
Questions: Will Bonzi behave himself? Will this team mesh?
Where They'll Rank: I probably shouldn't second guess Geoff Petrie, but I think prognosticators are overrating his team. His line-up sounds great with Bibby the clutch shooter, Bonzi the talent, Peja the shooter, Shareef the standard, and Miller the defensive stalwart. But all are limited as well. Bibby has never reached his superstar potential, Bonzi has been a cancer on 2 teams, Peja a choker, Shareef never stunning, and Miller limited offensively. More worryingly for me, is that they aren't like the recent Kings who all fit together into a great team, where every player could score and pass and run. This looks more like a fantasy basketball team. I wouldn't be too surprised if Geoff pulls it off, but right now I see them at 3rd in the division and a non-home court playoff team.

4. Golden State Warriors
What They've Done: Drafted Ike Diogu and Chris Taft.
Questions: Will they keep up their winning ways?
Where They'll Rank: Golden State ended the season on fire after the Baron Davis trade and a lot of people are picking them to be the season's surpise team. I'm not sold. I do not trust Baron for an entire season. He always gets injured and in the West I think they'll need him all year to make the playoffs. Also their biggest problem was rebounding, and although they drafted for it with solid picks, I don't see either remedying the problem this year. Sorry Mullin, but I ain't drinking the Golden State Kool Aid just yet.

5. LA Clippers
What They've Done: Drafted somthing-o-slav, traded Jaric for Sam Cassell, lost Simmons, gained Mobley.
Questions: Will Livingston hold up? Can Dunleavy lead these guys to the playoffs.
Where They'll Rank: I don't think they'll be bad, but that they'll be just a little bit worse than the other teams. Livingston could be the wild card here. He showed some flashes of brilliance last year, but it's hard to imagine him lasting a season and making them a playoff team. Mobley adds some 3-point shooting, but him and Cassell and Maggette just give me a bad vibe. The Clippers seem to go 1 step forward and 1 step back often in their history and I see them dropping back from their low peak of last year.

Shanghai Tunnels

This weekend I finally made it to the underground Shanghai tunnels of Portland. And although I agree with the general sentiments of the people I went with that we were hoping for a little more, it was still pretty cool. The tunnels were built underneath businesses in Portland's Old Town/Chinatown/North End (he explained the difference, I forget what it is) so that they could transport good to the ports and avoid the muddy stumpy late 1800's streets. Soon, they took on a more nefarious use- shanghaing. Shanghaing consisted of grabbing some local derelict at a place of sin (saloons, opium dens, whorehouses) locking them into a holding cell, and then selling them to a sea captain who needed cheap labor. Before the voyage they would give them some type of an opiate and when the shanghaiee awoke, they were in the middle of the Pacific stuck for about the next 3 years. This was extremely popular in Portland; according to the tour guide we were the #1 spot in the country for it.
The tour itself was pretty good. The guide was certainly knowledgable, in a crazy obsessed sort of way. He told a lot of ghost stories which were mostly lame attempts to scare us, but also slightly worked since it is kind of creepy walking around in the underground dark. My favorite part was when he showed us a trap door that was used by the bar to drop drinkers into the underground for a quick Shanghai. The most disappointing part was that I think we were under the same bar the whole time, so the idea of it being an "underground" versus a "basement" was hard to fathom. Overall, it was worth it, but it felt like it could have been potentially awesome;: more traveling, less supernaturality, and more history would have made it great.

John Roberts

Although I am mostly just thanking my lucky stars that Bush II did something moderate for once, I read an interesting critique of Mister Roberts this weekend. Although Roe versus Wade being overturned is what gets everybody's panties knotted up (which is odd because I am pretty sure it still would be 5-4 even if 2 pro-lifers are put on), Roberts has some very conservative views about the powers of a president. Depending on how you look it, we have either placed more checks on a president since Vietnam/Watergate or we have eroded the powers of the president since then. It appears Roverts is in the latter camp.
He has worked under both Reagan and Bush #1 and wrote various memos protecting presidential aggression; for example saying it was okay to send troops to Grenada without declaring war. Now, he was just doing his job at the time, but he's made other recent troubling decisions like saying Cheney had the right to not disclose any records from his energy task force meetings and being on the 3-judge panel that okayed the Guatanamo militatary commissions (that allowed evidence under coercion, gave no appeal process, and stated that violations of the Geneva Convention are international issues not eligible for lawsuits). Dubya + Roberts + possibly Gonzales could make for some scary future abuses of the War on terror. Stay tuned.

The Philly Phanatic Can Kiss My Ass

Now, as many of you have probably heard, the new Mascot Hall of Fame Musuem has opened up to major fan fare and the first 3 members have been enshrined: The San Diego Chicken, The Phoenix Suns Gorilla, and The Phillie Phanatic. Now, I don't know about you guys, but I think it is clear that inductees, especially the first 3, should meet the following criteria.

1. Have a great act
2. Be a correct visual symbol of the team you are playing for (The Bulls have a Bull for instance)
3. Not be fucking annoying

Now the San Diego Chicken is a no-brainer, but I have issues with the other 2. The gorilla was a great dunker, you have to give him that, but has anyone stopped to think for a second and realize that they are not the Phoenix Gorrillas? This is really confusing for the casual fan. Yes, I realize they weren't called the San Diego Chickens, but he transcends this requirement by his sheer popularity. In a way, he was every team's mascot, and for that he definitely deserves the first ballot entry.
I could live with the Gorrilla, but the Phillie Phanatic is just not okay. Besides not being a Phillie, The Phanatic isn't really anything. What does being green have anything to do with being a fan (oops I mean phan)? And the Phanatic is notorious as being the most annoying of all the mascots. I still remember watching a Cubs game as a kid and the Phanatic was bothering Keith Moreland and the announcers started talking about how they thought Keith was going to hit him. So you might wonder, how does a big fat annoying green thing make it in on the first ballot? Oh it must not have anything to do with the Mascot Hall of Fame being in Philadelphia. Just a coincidence I guess.
I don't have a strong opinion on who should replace him, but at least someone who is who they should be like the Patriot or Cardinal or Hornet. Or, they could pick someone who really stands out in bizarreness, like the Padre. I also, personally, like the Portland Timbers' (a soccer team) mascot, Timber Jim. He got his start by asking if he could bring a chainsaw to the games. Soon he was sawing up logs, doing back flips, and scaling a 75-foot pole. For an aspiring mascot it is an inspiring tale. Here's to Timber Jim one day making it, and THE PHILLY PHANATIC BEING THROWN OUT ON HIS ASS!!!!!!

Tattoos Are For Losers

All right xpress riders. This trip will be jetting out into a bit of a different course with the imminent arrival (tomorrow) of my job. My plan is now to do 1 or 2 blogs on Sunday, and that would be it. We'll see if work (and my slave driver of a wife) will permit the time. Veteran blogger, EMHO, keeps telling me to keep them shorter and the comments and fan base will come. Perhaps that will make it easier as well.
Anway, I just wanted to start with a dumb little rant about tattoos. This trend has gotten particularly out of control in my lovely city of residence, Portland. It seems like every Tom, Dick, and Henrietta has at least one part of their skin dyed. Perhaps grumpy-old-manitis has set upon me earlier than most, but I just don't get it. Why would you want a picture drawn on your skin? The whole things seems very superficial to me. Why can't you let your personality do the talking instead of a Chinese symbol that you may or may not even know what it's saying? And anyway, even if you do find a symbol that truly represents you, are you so boring and uncomplicated that the symbol wouldn't change at some point in your life? Perhaps it's more about showing toughness (definitely the original purpose). But I can't help but think the toughness quotient must have been permanantly diluted by the sheer number of people sporting their own multi-colored badges of "courage". I don't know, but it just feels to me like people trying really hard to create their individuality with how they adorn themselves. Didn't we get over that stage in high school?

Southeast Division Predictions

Atlantic Divison
Central Division

Don't see a whole of changes in this division...

1. Miami Heat
What They've Done: Traded for Jason Williams, Antoine Walker, and James Posey. Lost Eddie Jones and Rasual Butler.
Questions: Will they resign Damon Jones? Are there enough basketballs?
Where They'll Rank: No matter whether this potent combination of talent gels to win the championship or if they struggle with chemistry issues, they should definitely win their division. As a long-time Portland Trailblazer fan, I can attest that mass amounts of good players do not necessarily equate into NBA rings, but nevertheless was better than not having lots of good players. One concern no one has mentioned yet is whether or not Dwayne Wade is injury prone. He's had significant injuries in both of his two years and the way he fearlessly throws himself at the basket might not mean a long and happy career.

2. Washington Wizards
What They've Done: Traded Kwame Brown for Caron Butler. Signed Antonio Daniels. Lost Larry Hughes.
Questions: How much will they miss Larry? Can Gilbert Arenas maintain his high-level of play?
Where They'll Rank: I'm keeping them at second in the division. Caron Butler and Antonio Daniels should, more or less, make up for Larry Hughes, without the later money woes his signing would have cost them. I like their offense and coach and see them returning to the playoffs.

3. Orlando Magic
What They've Done: Drafted a guy who won't come to America and signed Keyon "Drooling" Dooling.
Questions: Will Grant Hill hold up for a second consecutive year? How will Steve-o Francis do as a shooting guard?
Where They'll Rank: This team reeks of averageness and will probably spend most of the year on the playoff fringe. They had a very unimpressive off-season, completely wasting a lottery pick in a deep draft and signing the only guy in the league who dribbles more than Francis. The only way I see them passing Washington is if Dwight Howard emerges as a superstar. He had a great rookie year for a high-schooler and should be dominating someday. Hopefully for the Magic that happens next year.

4. Charlotte Bobcats
What They've Done: Drafted 2 Tar Heels. Brought back Brevin Knight and Gerald Wallace.
Questions: Should they have signed someone new in the off-season? Will Charlotte have patience with Bickerstaff's long-term plan?
Where They'll Rank: Although they were a bad team last year that did very little in the off-season, I still like them over the Hawks. They won 5 more games than them last year, have the same core team back, and tended to play teams close. Don't get me wrong, they still will be bad. And I think they are going to regret not trading their 2 picks for one Chris Paul. But they might very well win 20-25 games, a task I don't see the Hawks accomplishing.

5. Atlanta Hawks
What They've Done: Signed and traded Boris "Fo Sho" Diaw and two #1's for Joe Johnson. Drafted Marvin Williams and Salim Stoudamire.
Questions: Will Joe Johnson be worth it? How will Childress and Josh Smith do as Sophomores?
Where They'll Rank: This team does have some talent now, but I don't see it equaling many more wins yet. I would be surprised if Marvin Williams makes any substantial contributions and Josh Smith has that unbridled athleticism that'll take a few more years to rein into being a good team player. Joe Johnson will help, but I think I'm taking Steve Belkin's side on this. 90 million and two #1's for a guy who's never been an all-star? Not to mention he also used to have a rap as hard to motivate; a max contract should be just the cure!