Iron Cage Match #5

Cheney Versus Putin

Okay, so let's just say our lovely president dies (God Forbid!), who would you rather take over for him, Senor Dick or everybody's favorite Vladimir?

I think this is a very tough call, but I seem to be leaning towards Cheney. I know he's mean, into torture, a corporate lackey, and has been know to swear at other congressmen, but Putin really is in his own league. I mean, Cheney would love to do what Putin has, but he has not closed down all free press, jailed a man who was going to support the opposition (actually, we know Cheney would never press charges on an oil exec), and changed the law so that he picks the governors. It also should not be too long before Putin alters the laws again to both let him select mayors and allow himself to run again. So, if we have Putin, we might never lose him. Whereas besides Cheney's pure hatability making him unreelectable, his heart should knock him off in the near future anyway.

Cheney also hates the public eye, so I think he would be squirmingly terrible at continuing his evil agenda in front of people. He works much better behind the scene and I think forcing him to actually, you know, answer questions would definitely engender his neo-con goals. Putin, on the other hand, is perfectly comfortable in the limelight and would have no problem continuing his march towards totalitarianism. I think also I am more scared of Putin. Cheney's the teacher you hate and undermine. Putin's the one you diligently follow since you truly fear him at all times. Would I vote for Putin? I think I'd be too scared not to.

So I'm going to have grudgingly cast my ballot for Dick "Go Fuck Yourself" Cheney. God fear for our souls!